


Squad?

by HylianFishFood



Series: Bestest Friends [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DC Cinematic Universe, Suicide Squad (2016)
Genre: (( its croc )), F/F, F/M, Fluff, High School AU, M/M, Past Abuse, Texting, Trans Character, chatroom au, plot is slow and theres a lot of filler, they met in detention and harley is trying to force a friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-08-10 07:11:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7835110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HylianFishFood/pseuds/HylianFishFood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Suicide Squad chatroom AU</p>
<p>After meeting a bunch of other "problem kids" at a classic Belle Reve High detention, Harley decides that she is meant to be best friends with all of them and starts a groupchat. Things escalate from there.</p>
<p>hiatus over....sorry that i am this way</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. no one wants this, harley

**Clownqueen created** **_SQUAD!_ ** **at 1:00 AM**

**Clownqueen added headshot, boomerangbrony, crocs, fireball, slipknot, and CrnelFlag to** **_SQUAD!_ **

Clownqueen: Hi guys!!!!

headshot: who tf are u

headshot: i am trying to sleep and whatever this is

headshot: i dont want it

Clownqueen: aww floyd im so sad :(

Clownqueen: how could u forget me?????

headshot: dont call me that

headshot: who r u and how did u find me

Clownqueen: its HARLEY!!!!!

Clownqueen: from DETENTION!!!!

Clownqueen: yknow as in not ACTUAL jail but still a blip on the old school record!!!

headshot: oh fucking christ

headshot: i dont want this

headshot: its 1 am and i want to sleep im leaving

**headshot left** **_SQUAD!_ **

* * *

 

**Clownqueen sent a DM to headshot**

Clownqueen: no one else left the chat except 4 u

Clownqueen: bc they r all better ppl then u

headshot: it was 1 am and no one else was up

headshot: im more concerned with how u got my number

Clownqueen: i have connections!

headshot: fuck that shit

headshot: yknow i can block u right

Clownqueen: LISTEN i waited a full 6 hours to text u!!!

Clownqueen: mostly bc i fell asleep!!! But still!!!

Clownqueen: and i feel like we all rly hit it off at detention

headshot: this isnt the breakfast club

Clownqueen: it could be!!!

headshot: chill

Clownqueen: rick flag is there and he hasnt left yet ;)

headshot: ….

headshot: add me in later but i dont wanna deal rn

Clownqueen: !!!! ; )

* * *

 

**crocs sent a message at 8:04 AM**

crocs: i just woke up

crocs: and i wake up to half-formed chat discourse

crocs: this is good content and im staying

Clownqueen: thank you waylon!!!!!

crocs: u can call me croc its fine

crocs: is floyd coming back

crocs: also do u ever sleep

Clownqueen: yes!!! He is later!!!

Clownqueens: and nope!

crocs: nice

_ crocs sent crocodile-pepe.jpg _

Clownqueen: its an old meme but itll do!!!

fireball: hello friends

Clownqueen: bro!!!!!!!

crocs: do u ever chill

crocs: hey chato

fireball: hello waylon!

crocs: u can call me croc its fine

fireball: i feel mean tho :/

crocs: nah

Clownqueen: man!!! The whole squad is rly coming together!!!

fireball: idk man school-jail isnt the best place to meet ppl

Clownqueen: …..ur lack of enthusiasm upsets me :(

crocs: “school-jail”

fireball: how did u find us anyway

Clownqueen: connections!!!

fireball: thats vague and i dont like it that much

Clownqueen: pshhhh whatev,,,

Clownqueen: so why were u guys in detention????

crocs: we literally talked about it in detention harley

fireball: ^ same

Clownqueen: i figured u guys were holding out on me

Clownqueen: give me the DEETS

Clownqueen: have u guys ever done anything illegal???

fireball: …

fireball: ...nope lmao

crocs: tbh

crocs: the most illegal thing ive ever done

crocs: is stealing illegally imported crocodiles from pet stores

crocs: and trying to put them where they belong

fireball: that sounds pretty illegal

fireball: thats also adorable

Clownqueen: ….thats awesome

fireball: literally tho howst the fuck do u do that

crocs: its a secret

Clownqueen: the only illegal things i do involve vandalization :///

fireball: who ships crocodiles back to rainforests or whatever

crocs: also a secret my dude

CrnelFlag: Why am i a part of this group chat I wasn't even in detention I was just there to talk to Ms. Waller.

CrnelFlag: Also stop talking about illegal things. I could notify the authorities.

Clownqueen: oh come ON thats so BORING

Clownqueen: you cant do that ur IN THE SQUAD

CrnelFlag: Do I really want to be in the squad??

CrnelFlag: How’d you even get my number???

Clownqueen: if 1 MORE PERSON ASKS ME 

Clownqueen: oh wait hold on

**Clownqueen added headshot to** **_SQUAD!_ **

Clownqueen: :)

CrnelFlag: Good morning Floyd

headshot: dont call me that

headshot: its still too early to be up yall are #wild

slipknot: I JUST WANTED TO ALERT YOU ALL THAT I AM UP

slipknot: AND GRACE YOU WITH THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE:

slipknot: i dont want to be in this chat later losers

**slipknot left** **_SQUAD!_ **

headshot: lmao

Clownqueen: WHAT THE FUCK???

Clownqueen: wait lemme go talk to him!!!!

Clownqueen: BRB ASAP

boomerangbrony: i will bet money that he blocked her

fireball: why would any of us take that bet

Clownqueen: HE BLOCKED ME!!!!

boomerangbrony: told ya

fireball: literally all of us agreed with u

fireball: also (1) when did u get up and

fireball: (2) why is ur name “boomerang brony 

boomerangbrony: FUC K

**boomerangbrony changed their username to hot-aussie**

headshot: cmon man we all knew u had a horse kink

headshot: at least stop pretending ur hot

hot-aussie: FUCK U NONE OF U CAN PROVE ANYTHING

Clownqueen: SHUT UP THIS DOESNT MATTER SOMEONE TEXT SLIPKNOT!!!!

crocs: this is prime drama

CrnelFlag: can i go? 

Clownqueen: NO

**CrnelFlag left** **_SQUAD!_ **

**Clownqueen added CrnelFlag to** **_SQUAD_ ** _! _

CrnelFlag: I’d block you but I’d feel bad later

**fireball changed** **_SQUAD!_ ** **to** **_The Discourse Mobile_ **

crocs: nice

fireball: nice

hot-aussie: i hate this

headshot: ^^^^

Clownqueen: UGHHHHHHHH

Clownqueen: this friendship is the TINIEST bit more stressful than i anticipated but~~~~~

Clownqueen: we can make it work!

headshot: well isn’t that fantastic


	2. level 23 friend not yet reached

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> croc is trans...that boy is too good
> 
> we're gonna delve into everyone's history and we're starting today

**fireball sent a message at 10:39 PM**

fireball: hey Harley r u still dating joker

fireball: or whatever his name is

fireball: Jack? Jerome?

headshot: I think it's "jackass"

fireball: tru

Clownqueen: sorry I love u all but u have to be a level 23 friend to unlock that topic!!!!

headshot: I think that's the longest text you've ever sent

Clownqueen: sorry sweaty ;)

headshot: "sweaty"

fireball: ;)

Clownqueen: anyway croc keeps calling us "The Discourse Mobile" in public

Clownqueen: and I'm all 4 drama but it's wordy

fireball: yeah we need a title

headshot: "title" y'all are so edgy

fireball: Edge Extremists

Clownqueen: Kill-Urself Krew

fireball: I think we should all take parts of Ebony Raven Dementia Darkness Way's name and assign them to each other

fireball: so like

fireball: I'm Raven

Clownqueen: can I be Dementia??

fireball: yes

headshot: you've thought long and hard about this

fireball: verdict???

headshot: how about no

_ crocs sent howboutidoanyway.jpg _

headshot: did u literally

headshot: did u literally just wait until the perfect moment to send a meme

crocs: yeet yob boi

crocs: also @ harley dont talk about me like im not always in the chat

headshot: u were just fucking camping out? For shitty memes?

fireball: it's his craft Floyd

crocs: it's an art form

headshot: don't call me Floyd

fireball: what r we SUPPOSED to call u

headshot: I'd prefer if u didn't

Clownqueen: DAMN

crocs: D A M N

Clownqueen: SHUT DOWN

crocs: #REKT

Clownqueen: WASTED

fireball: :'(

_ crocs sent mmmwatchasay.jpg _

headshot: I think we need to put a limit on how many memes u can send croc

crocs: fuck u I do what I want

headshot: #edgy

CrnelFlag: Guys it's late and we have school.

CrnelFlag: at the very least stop texting in the group chat my notifications are blowing up

Clownqueen: how do u manage to be such a square?? It's not even 11

headshot: mute the chat or smtn. Turn off notifications

CrnelFlag: but then if anything important happened I'd miss it?

crocs: <3

CrnelFlag: no thanks

fireball: bro did rick just “no homo” you

crocs: chato help what do i do

fireball: tell him full homo

crocs: @rick

crocs: full homo

CrnelFlag: I can literally see you texting Chato we're in the same chat.

crocs: chato help Rick can't take a joke

fireball: :(

Clownqueen: kill him

headshot: Harley no

Clownqueen: HARLEY YES

crocs: wait am I killing chato or Rick

fireball: I don't want to die

fireball: also why is rick's named capitalized who is he to you

crocs: my secret gay lover

CrnelFlag: don't particularly want to die either

Clownqueen: we can't leave until blood has been spilled

crocs: BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD!

headshot: oh my god I'm out

headshot: later y'all

crocs: damn we can't kill him :/

fireball: where's George we can kill him

crocs: that's probably why he's asleep

CrnelFlag: no one is dying

crocs: u don't know that

Clownqueen: somewhere, someone is dying

crocs: more accurate

fireball: that's cheerful

Clownqueen: also how about "Kamikazee Krew"

fireball: even more cheerful

CrnelFlag: no

CrnelFlag: Floyd has the right idea; goodnight.

crocs: nice

crocs: guess the three of us have to fight to the death

fireball: no bc then 2 ppl have to die

crocs: this conversation is probably legal ground to arrest us on

fireball: pretty sure that u admitting to breaking into pet stores is more ground to arrest us on

crocs: nah just me

Clownqueen: idk they could consider us accomplices for not condemning u???

crocs: damn that's harsh

fireball: the entire legal system is harsh, bro

Clownqueen: u 2 need to go to bed bc if I leave first then every1 will know that I sleep

fireball: can't have that happening

fireball: night <3

crocs: later

Clownqueen: :~)

crocs: did u srsly add a nose

Clownqueen: there's a time and a place for this discourse and it isn't now

crocs: fair

* * *

 

**hot-aussie changed** ** _The Discourse Mobile_** **to** ** _Fuck School_**

Clownqueen: understandable but what caused this

hot-aussie: I fuckinh hate e grading systems

hot-aussie: yknow it was f ucing hot in austral iaa but??? At least the grading system mad e e sense????

Clownqueen:: are u srsly crytyping rn ….

fireball: they say most things are different in america

hot-aussie: who's they

fireball: they're coming for u bc ur a rhetorical jackass with unoriginal jokes

hot-aussie: damn omg....chill smh

Clownqueen: OH DIGGER

hot-aussie: ???

Clownqueen: IS IT TRUE U GOT STUFFED INTO A LOCKER TODAY???

hot-aussie: what

fireball: I heard it was a duffel bag?

_ Clownqueen sent whatistheTRUTH.jpg _

CrnelFlag: it is

hot-aussie: N O

CrnelFlag: it was a duffel bag and I know because I got him out

hot-aussie: FALSE

CrnelFlag: and his first reaction was to jump up and punch me directly in the jaw

hot-aussie: SLANDER

fireball: h oly shit

Clownqueen: SOMEONE BROUGHT A HUMAN SIZED DUFFEL BAG TO SCHOOL????

Clownqueen: FOR THE EXPRESS PURPOSE OF STUFFING DIGGER IN IT????

CrnelFlag: Under the circumstances, i.e. it was a really fucking big duffel bag and there was a threatening note taped to the outside, yep he has made some powerful enemies.

fireball: imm dYing

**hot-aussie changed** **_Fuck School_ ** **to** **_Fuck Rick_ **

Clownqueen: gladly

hot-aussie: that's low brow humor

fireball: homie ily but ur existence is low brow humor

Clownqueen: @ rick what did the note say

hot-aussie: ASK ME I WAS THE ONE WHO SUFFERED!!

CrnelFlag: “don’t fucking touch my mountain bike or next time i’ll stuff you inside a trash compactor”

CrnelFlag: so, before you ask, i’m pretty sure this means it’s Griggs cause he’s on that health kick

fireball: he’s always on a health kick

hot-aussie: rick stop exposing me!!! Bitch i’ll come for u!!!!

**CrnelFlag changed** **_Fuck Rick_ ** **to** **_Help_ **

Clownqueen: that's fair

hot-aussie: whatever I have shit to do anyway

Clownqueen: is that code for watch mlp and cry

hot-aussie: it's code for I have boomerangs and I know how to use them

Clownquee: can't decide if that's a terrible threat or the best pickup line I've ever heard

hot-aussie: uhhh whichever one makes me seem cooler

CrnelFlag: I can't believe this

fireball: believe it bitch

* * *

 

**fireball sent a DM to crocs**

fireball: hey I'm sorry if this is rude but i have a question?

crocs: the skin thing yeah

fireball: damn that was... instant

crocs: im used to it lmao

fireball: u sure its okay?

crocs: nah fam it's fine like everyone else in the chat has already asked

crocs: I have a really fucking rare skin disease called ichthyosis or smtn…

crocs: think i spelled that right

crocs: and it basically sucks enough on its own. It makes my skin super dry and scaly and shit

crocs: and theres like, meds to manage it but my aunt could not afford them so i had to kinda deal until i got my foster parents 

crocs: but at that point I’ve long since realized that I'm trans and we have to go to doctors and shit to figure out if it'll fuck up my system if I take hormones

crocs: which is extra work bc....apparently no one else with this skin disease has been trans ever…..lmao 

crocs:  the hormones actually did kinda fuck with my skin and now the scale to skin ratio is weird

crocs: but I turned out pretty hot so it's alright

fireball: damn right u did bro

fireball: ur trans?

crocs: what, did u think i was the resident cishet squad member or smtn

fireball: nah homie it’s clearly digger

crocs: nice

fireball: anyway thanks for telling me bro

crocs: yeah bro

fireball: did u talk to the others bout the gender shit?

crocs: nah fam i just respect u 

fireball: :’)

crocs: ;’)

* * *

 

**Clownqueen sent a message at 6:04 PM**

Clownqueen: GUYS DO YOU THINK I SHOULD GET A SUCCULENT

hot-aussie: i can give u a succ

Clownqueen: SHUT UP DIGGER

headshot: why do u need a succulent

Clownqueen: they’re cute

headshot: ???? a plant is cute. right.

Clownqueen: stfu!!!

Clownqueen: okay let me rephrase the question

Clownqueen: do u think i should STEAL a succulent

CrnelFlag: NO

Clownqueen: that’s boring rick

CrnelFlag: well if you didn’t want an honest answer you shouldn’t have asked

headshot: rick i think ur the squad mom

CrnelFlag: well sOMEONE HAS TO CALL YOU GUYS OUT

headshot: r u calling us #problematic

hot-aussie: mate we are problematic

Clownqueen: speak for urself im golden

Clownqueen: but im glad u realize the problematic nature of being a brony :~)

hot-aussie: at least i dont add noses to smiley faces

Clownqueen: do u want to fuckinh throw down bc i will throw DOWN

hot-aussie: not rly you scare me a little

Clownqueen: GOOD

CrnelFlag: this chat was a mistake

Clownqueen: SHUT UP WE ARE ALL GOOD FRIENDS

headshot: if that doesn't symbolize the nature of our relationship i don't kno what will


	3. denny's parking lot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all thank you guys for the amazing public response!!!!! I cant reply to any of the reviews bc i start blushing too hard and i cant handle it but i do read them all 5 times an hour and ive screenshotted a few of them….just thank yall so much for the positive response…….
> 
> Omg I keep trying to put in katana....but like part of the reason this is fun to write is that it literally just flows and the characters do what they want....so she isn't in this one (....bc digger got dramatic on me and stole a subplot) but i PROMISE I'll work her into the next one bc I love her and she deserves her screentime  
> ~

**Clownqueen sent a message at 4:50 PM**

Clownqueen: GUYS HELP

fireball: advice friend at ur service

crocs: since when r u the “advice friend”

CrnelFlag: If anything I should be the advice friend because I’m the only one here who didn’t support Harley’s idea to break into McDonalds.

_ crocs sent surejan.jpg _

crocs: just bc ur advice isn’t illegal doesn’t make it good

Clownqueen: ENOUGH ABOUT RICK LETS TALK ABOUT ME

crocs: same

fireball: ???

Clownqueen: OK SO

Clownqueen: YKNOW HOW I WANTED TO GET THAT SUCCULENT????????

Clownqueen: I WAS AT THE FLORISTS TO SEE IF THEY HAD ANY BC I DONT WANT TO GO THRU

Clownqueen: ~~~PLANT COMMITMENT~~~

Clownqueen: bc like yknow u buy a plant bc its pretty and it dies bc u have to water it every full moon or smtn

Clownqueen: AND LIKE I DIDNT SEE ANY SO I WENT TO GO ASK AN EMPLOYEE

fireball: i think i see where this is going

Clownqueen: GUYS SHE WAS SO PRETTY

fireball: i KNEW u werent straight

crocs: wait is this #confirmation that u arent dating j-douche anymore

Clownqueen: GUYS THIS IS A P R O B L E M

Clownqueen: I BOUGHT A PLANT GUYS. A REAL PLANT. THAT I HAVE TO WATER.

CrnelFlag: That’s awesome!

Clownqueen: NO IT ISNT I HATE FEELINSG

Clownqueen: when i asked if they had plastic succulents...she looked at me with such disgust…..

fireball: what did she say????

Clownqueen: “No, but we do have real succulents, because this is a plant store where we sell real plants.”

crocs: i like her already

Clownqueen: she told me that if i killed the plant i bought she’d kill me

crocs: I LIKE HER ALREADY

fireball: omg what did u say back

Clownqueen: I just sorta???? Blushed???????? I'm pretty sure she almost didn't sell it to me bc she didn't trust me

CrnelFlag: What type of plant did you get?

crocs: is that srsly ur takeaway

Clownqueen: @ Rick I have literally no idea I sorta zoned out

**crocs changed** **_Help_ ** **to** **_gay her up Scotty_ **

fireball: bro that makes literally no sense

**crocs changed** **_gay her up Scotty_ ** **to** **_Drama Zone_ **

Clownqueen: I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN WE R NOT ABOUT ME????

Clownqueen: WHAT SHOULD I DO?????

fireball: buy her flowers

Clownqueen: that's a TERRIBLE PLAN bc then I give business to her COMPETITORS

crocs: she def sounds like one of ppl who gets mad at ppl cutting flower stems lmao

CrnelFlag: talk to her?

Clownqueen: HA

Clownqueen: I'm gonna go afk and try to google wtf this plant is

Clownqueen: bc I'm 99% sure if I ever see her again and I killed the plant

Clownqueen: she'll K N O W

crocs: nice

CrnelFlag: why does no one ever listen to my advice

fireball: Rick if everyone talked to the ppl they liked we wouldn't have romcoms 

fireball: and what type of a world would that be

crocs: a better one?

fireball: speak for urself homie

crocs: r u a secret romance junkie

crocs: that's adorable

fireball: shut up

CrnelFlag: we don't even need romantic comedies with you two around

crocs: wow Rick gets savage when he's ignored

fireball: bro do u think he's jealous

crocs: bro

fireball: b r o

CrnelFlag: oh my god

* * *

 

**headshot sent a message at 7:34 PM**

headshot: why do I miss all the drama

crocs: ur never on bro

headshot: And u never leave

crocs: I've actually connected my organs to the Internet

headshot: im unsurprised

CrnelFlag: Honestly there's so much drama here

CrnelFlag: you'll definitely catch some later Floyd

headshot: reassuring

crocs: oh hey did y'all hear about what digger did

headshot: he does something stupid in public everyday it all kinda blurs together

CrnelFlag: Did he turn out to be the kid with weed in his locker? Thus ending the rein of the mystery drug dealer?

crocs: nah that was Hal Jordan

headshot: the implication that digger could deal drugs is giving him too much credit

CrnelFlag: Wait was Hal the dealer!!???

crocs: nah I heard he stole it to piss off the dealer

crocs: so the mystery drug dealer is still At Large

headshot: how do u kno this

crocs: the grapevine

CrnelFlag: the grapevine is not to be trusted

headshot: that's some eldritch horror shit

CrnelFlag: well 99% of the time it’s just a rumor that jimmy olsen implemented 

headshot: why does he do that 

CrnelFlag: drama -> actual story

crocs: ANYWAY what digger did

crocs: is he tried to break into a teachers computer to change his grades

crocs: which is STUPID bc he's never hacked anything ever

headshot: that was him??? Damn

CrnelFlag: I was really hoping I would be a good influence on you guys

headshot: yeah don't count on that

crocs: digger is a wild wild man

CrnelFlag: Remember when he tried to start a fight with Bruce Wayne

crocs: good times lmao

headshot: that was funny for the specific reason of bruce wayne not actually going to our school

headshot: idk how he ever intended to tell bruce they were fighting

hot-aussie: I was planning on going to his stupid fucking mansion and screaming as loud as I could

crocs: you would

hot-aussie: anyway can u guys stop trashing me I'm in this chat

crocs: no?

headshot: no

CrnelFlag: Why did you even want to fight Bruce?

hot-aussie: he's richer then I am

hot-aussie: and if I knock him out I get to raid his wallet

crocs: r u sure u could do that tho??? The boi is #ripped

headshot: he lifts and u clearly do not

hot-aussie: fuck off I have street smarts

crocs: "smarts" is debatable

hot-aussie: fuck offffffffff

CrnelFlag: Literally every other friend group I've ever been in has been nicer then this why are y'all like this?

headshot: idk about u but I'm pretty sure this is penance for something I don't remember doing

hot-aussie: you could literally just leave???

headshot: nah already tried

CrnelFlag: I'm almost positive that if I left Harley would blackmail me.

headshot: yeah like irl. She would lmao she semi-blackmailed me to get me back in the chat

CrnelFlag: WHAT?

headshot: it was friendly semi-blackmail?

CrnelFlag: wasn't aware that existed

headshot: Harley can make anything happen tbh

CrnelFlag: Except slipknot's presence apparently

crocs: that's still the most #iconic thing EVER

hot-aussie: he ignores me irl does he do that to y'all too

crocs: YES OMG

crocs: why does he hate us

_ crocs sent feelsguy.jpg _

hot-aussie: what is it with u and old memes

crocs: time is fake and memes never expire

CrnelFlag: Honestly I'm just impressed anyone could ignore Harley

headshot: he executed everything perfectly....the perfect crime

crocs: do u guys even kno his real name??? Bc I don't

hot-aussie: lmao I feel that

* * *

 

**CrnelFlag sent a message at 12:30 PM**

CrnelFlag: everyday my fear that I'm going to be killed as a result of this chat grows.

headshot: stress levels?

CrnelFlag: I'm picturing more of a "you guys break into the pentagon and I try to stop you and we all die" scenario.

crocs: false. If we break into anything it's gonna be Area 51

fireball: ^^^second that homie

crocs: chatos vote has been cast and bc he's the advice friend he vetoes y'all

headshot: this is a democracy

Clownqueen: no it isn't my username has queen in it

crocs: besides can't the president veto shit

crocs: checks and balances bro

fireball: as the advice friend; let's break into Area 51

Clownqueen: as the queen; yes

CrnelFlag: We are all literally IN school why is everyone texting?

Clownqueen: digger isn't

fireball: and yet he is not here

headshot: digger is fighting someone and/or setting up a fight so that's why

fireball: rly????

crocs: why is there gossip that I don't know

CrnelFlag: Who is he currently fighting/potentially fighting?

headshot: Barry Allen

CrnelFlag: Is there any chance I can stop this???

crocs: nah digger has wanted to throw down w Barry for ages

crocs: I want to watch this fight

fireball: waylon no!!!! barry will beat up digger

crocs: who says that isn't why I want to watch it

fireball: WAYLON

crocs: digger will catch those hands my friend

headshot: I honestly can't believe I kno gossip u don't what IS this

Clownqueen: @ croc didn't u once hide in the sewers to figure out if the teachers were having an affair

crocs: yep

crocs: they weren't and it was very anticlimactic

crocs: i smelled gross for days

fireball: damn :/

headshot: update: digger is now shouting outside of my classroom

CrnelFlag: ?

headshot: okay one of the security officers is trying to drag him to ISS and he's shouting at Barry

Clownqueen: livetweet!!!!!!!!

headshot: "FUCK you and ur STUPID FUCKING TRACK TEAM"

headshot: “RUNNING FAST ISN’T AN ACHIEVEMENT! I’LL SEE YOU IN HELL!”

crocs: lmao

headshot: "MEET ME IN THE DENNYS PARKING LOT ON SATURDAY U ABSOLUTE PIECE OF SHIT"

CrnelFlag: oh my god....

headshot: okay Barry just shouted back "don't do this bro" this fight might not happen :(

Clownqueen: NO

fireball: guys this is prob a good thing I don't want digger to die

headshot: wait digger is still screaming

headshot: "2 AM ILL FIGHT UR TACKY ASS"

CrnelFlag: OH my GOD

Clownqueen: YES!!!!!!

Clownqueen: it's been AGES since I've been to a DENNYS PARKING LOT FIGHT!!!!!

CrnelFlag: this is a THING??

crocs: most of the time the employees call the cops and nothing happens bc everyone runs off

Clownqueen: ^^^ tru kmart parking lot fights are better bc no one gives a shit

crocs: this is at 2 AM tho so the employees will be tired/not there

Clownqueen: at 2 am Dennys gives off a "tired but not too tired" aesthetic and at 2 am Kmart is the "f ucking ki ll me" aesthetic

fireball: I was at a Kmart once and a fight broke out in the store and the employees just kinda half heartedly told them to stop

crocs: once I was at Kmart and these guys were recording a podcast

crocs: they were hiding in the furniture aisle and the only thing I heard was "mouth full of concrete, dick full of diamonds"

fireball: oh my gosh????

headshot: how did u hear that and not immediately investigate

crocs: I just wanted to buy a bean bag bro I was unprepared

fireball: yknow what I'm surprised about not hearing more stories about??? IKEA

headshot: ikea is the size of a small island tbh

Clownqueen: OMG WE SHOULD ALL GO TO IKEA OR SMTN!!!! AND PLAY HIDE AND SEEK.

CrnelFlag: (1) Harley I'm not going to die at an ikea trying to find y'all it's huge and I have so much to live for.

CrnelFlag: (2) I feel as if we should be more concerned for Digger???

headshot: well he doesn't have his phone bc he's in ISS so all we can do rn is speculate

CrnelFlag: Did he actually skip class to set up a fight?

crocs: he has lunch rn and barry is in his lunch period

crocs: which I only kno bc sometimes he vague tweets about it

CrnelFlag: Is he trying to set up a fight with everyone in this school?

headshot: probably

CrnelFlag: Why are we assuming that digger would lose this fight though?

crocs: he's scrawny

fireball: it's the threatening scrawny tho like

fireball: if I met him in a dark alley I'd freak out

CrnelFlag: Yeah, he punched me after the duffel bag thing and it hurt?

headshot: are we gonna place bets?

crocs: .....

CrnelFlag: Don't even think about it.

Clownqueen: so do you think digger will ask me to be his second???

crocs: no one needs a second in a parking lot fight Harley

Clownqueen: yeah sure if ur BORING

fireball: yeah Waylon don't let the man crush ur originality and creative spirit

headshot: whatever happens I am def going to that parking lot tmrw bc every result is good

crocs: the best outcome is that barry doesn't show but a fight happens anyway bc someone tries to mug us

CrnelFlag: That is the WORST outcome?

crocs: if I'm going to die it's going to be in a dennys parking lot Rick

CrnelFlag: .........

**CrnelFlag changed** **_Drama Zone_ ** **to** **_Bad Ideas_ **

crocs: rude

fireball: u could die in much higher class places Waylon

crocs: tru

crocs: how about ikea

Clownqueen: IKEA FUNERAL

headshot: they put the fun in funeral

fireball: nothing funnier then reflecting on ur own mortality

CrnelFlag: This chat is a dream come true for some therapist out there

* * *

 

**hot-aussie sent a message at 1:30 AM**

hot-aussie: okay I saw u guys talking about it earlier (stop gossiping about me I'm iN THE CHAT)

hot-aussie: so r u coming to watch me kick Barry's ass

fireball: idk how good of an idea this is, bro

crocs: I'm going it's a great idea from where I'm standing

Clownqueen: ^^^^ SAME. Can i cheerlead?????

Clownqueen: jk u have no control over what I do!! :•)

crocs: Harley why do u add noses

Clownqueen: I do it specifically when I kno it'll annoy you! ;^)

headshot: I'm already at the parking lot and I'm fully prepared to liveblog it for Rick

fireball: liveblog it for me 2 homie

crocs: nah I'll just film it for u

fireball: thx

hot-aussie: oh hey Floyd I see u

headshot: then??? Talk to me instead of texting me??

hot-aussie: I'm waving do u see me

hot-aussie: okay u guys couldn't hear it but he just shouted "I do but I don't want to" rude

crocs: u prob shouldn't have ur phone on u while u fight

Clownqueen: I can hold it!!!!!! I'm there rn!!!!

hot-aussie: oh I can see u! Hi Harley!

headshot: T A L K

crocs: u sure ur not coming chato?

fireball: hell no, if y'all get arrested I'm gonna feel bad but not bad enough to sit in holding

hot-aussie: u mean sit in jail?

fireball: nah homie, I mean holding. there's a big difference

crocs: oh hey I see u guys

Clownqueen: hey croc!!!!

hot-aussie: sup dude

hot-aussie: Floyd stop screaming about us texting instead of talking if anyone calls the cops it'll be bc u were yelling at 2 am

Clownqueen: not 2 am yet!!!!!!

fireball: why do u even want to fight Barry anyway?

hot-aussie: he thinks the track team is a desirable team to BE on

hot-aussie: and 99% of the time when I get busted for doing something """against the rules""" its bc he catches me

hot-aussie: I've started scheduling things when I KNO he's busy and he! Still! Catches! Me!

fireball: I'm gonna channel Rick and say why don't u stop doing things that are against the rules

hot-aussie: ew

crocs: do u hate track bc u didnt make it onto the team

hot-aussie: stfu and go buy pancakes with harley

* * *

 

**headshot sent a DM to CrnelFlag**

headshot: okay I kno ur asleep but I figure this will save us some time later

headshot: okay so rn no one except for us is here

headshot: digger has been muttering angrily under his breath for the past 15 minutes

headshot: and apparently dennys is open 24 hours so croc and harley went to go get pancakes

headshot: okay wait a car is pulling up

headshot: ITS DIANA????

headshot: DIANA PRINCE????

headshot: she looks VERY dissapointed and i cant tell who its directed at

headshot: okay barry is getting out of the car

headshot: she said “you can walk back” #savage

headshot: barry appears to have no regrets

headshot: diana and the car have left

headshot: okay hes walking up to digger, croc and harley just ran out of the dennys to watch

headshot: harley is holding a plate with pancakes on it and she yelled @ the employees she’d brb

headshot: Barry; “bro maybe this is a bad idea”

headshot: digger literally just spat in his face what the fuck...that aim

headshot: barry looks disgusted

headshot: DIGGER HAS THROWN A PUNCH

headshot: barry dodged it boi is quick

headshot: …...um i think that might summarize the entire fight actually 

headshot: im not gonna liveblog this entire thing for u bc it got real boring real fast

headshot: ill text u the winner

**headshot sent a message at 2:45 AM**

headshot: they didnt call the cops but one of the employees came outside to yell at us 

headshot: but barry was definitely winning

headshot: so digger prob got off easy

* * *

 

**crocs sent a video to fireball**

* * *

 

**fireball changed** **_Bad Ideas_ ** **to** **_WTF Digger_ **


	4. everyone changes their username

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all ur kind words!!! I am more tomato then person at this point, with the amount of blushing I do. 
> 
> Also, after a serious consideration on my own writing speed, starting with this chapter, updates will be on Mondays and Thursdays! Which means we might have plotlines, finally.
> 
> (Katana is here, finally)

**CrnelFlag sent a message at 7:36 AM**

CrnelFlag: I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU GUYS WENT THROUGH WITH THE FIGHT

fireball: i didn't go

CrnelFlag: I know this and I love and support you

fireball: thx

headshot: TBH I think it's unfair of u to group us as "going through" with the fight like only digger had aggressive intent

Clownqueen: speak for urself that dennys employee was testing me

headshot: you did order pancakes at 2 am and then ate them outside

CrnelFlag: you could have DIED

crocs: that's a little over dramatic

hot-aussie: listen guys I'm the one who initiated this fight and I think as long as I'm happy with the outcome it doesn't matter who dies

crocs: what is this west side story

headshot: digger ur nose is broken

Clownqueen: it was all worth it to see Diana Prince

hot-aussie: that's mostly why I am satisfied with how things went down

hot-aussie: but frankly the fact that u guys didnt think i could come back from the nose thing is insulting

CrnelFlag: well clearly none of you respect or listen to me

fireball: well u aren't the advice friend

CrnelFlag: listen if you guys are going to do stupid shit at the very least force me to come so I can break up any fights

Clownqueen: why would we bring u to a fight if ur gonna BREAK UP THE FIGHT?????

CrnelFlag: fine so I can have the common sense to call an ambulance

crocs: we all know 911 bro

headshot: I'm more concerned w the fact that u think u can handle the entire squad by urself like that's a dangerous claim

CrnelFlag: .....you’re right, I need backup

CrnelFlag: going afk for a bit

headshot: should we be concerned

Clownqueen: I'm more concerned with the use of SLANG from Rick??????

fireball: anything can happen once

crocs: what does that mean

fireball: ….that anything can happen once

hot-aussie: I'm sarcastically applauding rn

crocs: yeah it's rly effective bc

crocs: we can hear you

hot-aussie: my nose is BROKEN be nice to me

headshot: did u go to the hospital

hot-aussie: no lmao

Clownqueen: did u at least set it???? Bc if not I know how to do that hmu w ur location !!!!!!!

hot-aussie: can we hook up while u set my nose

Clownqueen: changed my mind!!!!!

hot-aussie: :/

* * *

 

**Clownqueen sent a message at 12:34 PM**

Clownqueen: danny phantom did more with his life at 14 then I have at 18

headshot: what brought this on

Clownqueen: LIFE

headshot: I hate to break it to u but so has every other fictional character

headshot: bc they aren’t real

Clownqueen: i knowwwww but its still like….

headshot: nah i feel that

headshot: you talk to that girl yet

Clownqueen: NOPE!

Clownqueen: like i WANT to but ive had a lot of relationship problems in the past and like……

Clownqueen: ive still got some Emotional Baggage to unpack and its just. Bullshit!!!!

headshot: did u at least manage to keep the plant alive?

Clownqueen: Yep!!!! Super proud of myself :)

headshot: thats cool

headshot: i think u just gotta know and respect your own boundaries, yeah?

Clownqueen: <3

* * *

 

**CrnelFlag sent a DM to headshot**

CrnelFlag: Hey

headshot: whats up

CrnelFlag: do you think everyone would be fine with me adding someone to the chat?

headshot: probably we still need to replace slipknot’s absence

headshot: we should probably change the name first tho

CrnelFlag: Haha true

headshot: why, u adding june or smtn?

CrnelFlag: Nope! Someone else, but i think you guys will like her!

headshot: the anticipation is killing me…

headshot: nah im just playin thats cool

CrnelFlag: :)

* * *

 

**CrnelFlag sent a message at 1:12 PM**

CrnelFlag: hey i’m adding a new squad member if that’s cool

Clownqueen: YES!!!! NEW FRIENDS!!!!

hot-aussie: r they hot

crocs: digger this is a chat we cant see each other

Clownqueen: we do see each other irl tho?

crocs: point taken

**CrnelFlag added Better to** **_WTF DIGGER_ **

CrnelFlag: this is tatsu

hot-aussie: I KNO HER!!! SHE IS HOT

Better: not sure i want to interact with you tho….

crocs: all of us or just digger

Better: i mean, to some extent all of you, bc i am above parking lot fights, but mostly just digger

crocs: understandable

crocs: i can respect that

hot-aussie: croc how dare u turn on me

hot-aussie: my nose, BROKEN

Clownqueen: thats a bad way to pick up chicks digger

Clownqueen: it isnt cool until you have a scar

Better: lmao rekt

Clownqueen: so what does ur username refer to??

Better: oh, just in general.

Better: like, as a description of me (better then u) or as a threat (yeah, u better)

crocs: thats actually rly elaborate

crocs: mine is just crocs bc crocs are a meme and ppl call me croc

Clownqueen: wait mine can be a pun if i change it!!! Hold on

**Clownqueen changed their username to HarleyQueenzel**

crocs: theres like. 4 layers to that pun

HarleyQueenzel: !!!!!

crocs: how long have u been saving that lmao

CrnelFlag: honestly i hate this username but it’s all i have

crocs: how about “rick the dick”

CrnelFlag: >:(

Better: seconded tbh

CrnelFlag: NO

hot-aussie: third-ed

Clownqueen: no offense dugger but that doesnt sound real????

Clownqueen: *DIGGER

hot-aussie: DUGGER????

**crocs changed** **_WTF DIGGER_ ** **to** **_dugger_ **

hot-aussie: CAN WE STOP MAKING THE NAMES ABOUT ME???

Better: if u think gaining a social foothold where u arent made fun of will impress me, it won’t

hot-aussie: damn. Nvm then,,,

crocs: lmao shot down

* * *

 

**fireball sent a message at 2:54 PM**

fireball: welcome tatsu!!!

fireball: sorry i wasnt on earlier

Better: its fine

Better: i dont care all that much

fireball: id be mad but ive seen this groupchat and, frankly, thats a good attitude to have

fireball: anyway @harley u need to talk to that flower shop girl

fireball: bc i want a miniature cactus garden and i need advice

HarleyQueenzel: u can ask her urself! she’s the red-head

fireball: rude

fireball: want me to give her updates on u???

HarleyQueenzel: NOPE!!!!!

Better: what

fireball: harley is ~~~in love~~~ with this girl at the florists

Better: nice

HarleyQueenzel: NO IM NOT WE HAD ONE CONVERSATION

fireball: hmmmm

Better: hmmmm

fireball: will update

Better: good

HarleyQueenzel: UGHHH

* * *

 

**fireball sent a message at 3:45 PM**

fireball: SHE IS ACTUALLY VERY BEAUTIFUL

HarleyQueenzel: SEE???? DO U UNDERSTAND MY FEAR

fireball: she is also definitely a lesbian bc like 3 dudes hit on her while i was there and she told them that she was gay

Better: lmao she sounds cool

fireball: how she is so real yet maintains her job...beyond me

crocs: did u get the cactus tho???

fireball: I DID!!! Its so tiny and good

crocs: PICS!!!

_ fireball sent smol.jpg _

crocs: AHHH

Better: ‘smol’

Better: its a cactus

fireball: yeah but its miniscule

Better: whats the difference from a normal cactus

Better: besides ‘smol’

fireball: convenience

crocs: less water

Better: but cacti barely need water in the first place?

crocs: yes

crocs: but the smol one needs Even Less

Better: @ RICK UR FRIENDS ARE WEIRD

HarleyQueenzel: THANK YOU!!!!!

Better: N O T a compliment

HarleyQueenzel: :P

HarleyQueenzel: also UNRELATED but croc u dont send as many memes :((((

crocs: do u kno how hard it is to work memes into normal conversation??? Im not forcing my craft harley

fireball: speak for urself he’s sent me at least one form of “john cena” everyday since we’ve met

crocs: ;)

fireball: pls stop

crocs: no???? 

Better: this friend group is a hot mess

fireball: omg just like me!!!

**fireball changed their username to Hot Mess**

Better: i feel like everyone in this chat has been thru 17 identity crisis’s in my short time in it

HarleyQueenzel: guess u have that effect on ppl!!!

Better: id be fine with this from literally anyone other then u guys

HarleyQueenzel: bc with every identity crisis we grow even stronger?????

Better: tbh i wouldnt put it past u

* * *

 

**CrnelFlag sent a DM to Better**

CrnelFlag: Verdict????

Better: theyre all losers

CrnelFlag: But???

Better: ….but theyre still pretty alright

CrnelFlag: Welcome to the squad. :) 

Better: u rly need a squad name


	5. gossip! gossip! gossip!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i always feel weird responding to comments bc my responses count as comments and i always feel like im commenting on my own fic so if you have any questions hmu at hylianfishfood.tumblr.com! Additionally, same goes for prompts, bc this story does NOT have an overarching plot line outside of endgame romance and we can do whatever we want.

**Hot Mess sent a message at 3:04 AM**

Hot Mess: how do we not know flower girls name yet 2 of us have me t her

crocs: go to bed chato

Hot Mess: ur still up

crocs: yeah but ive connected my organs to the internet so its fine

Hot Mess: NO! NEVER! THAT IS A CRIME!

crocs: holy shit

Crocs: go to BED chato

Hot Mess: f uck u

headshot: both of u sleep HONESTLY

crocs: ur up too

headshot: these leaderboards wont rank me #1 if i dont put in the effort

crocs: nerd

Hot Mess: this is an eternal paradox

crocs: *inhale*

crocs: B O I

headshot: its too late for this idc im out

Hot Mess: i have never gotten enough sleep to handle school before why should now be different

crocs: thats a good point but consider: how will we talk if u fall asleep during lunch

crocs: how will we spill the tea

Hot Mess: excelle nt t point

crocs: bro ur so tired

Hot Mess: zksodefe

crocs: oh my gosh STOP

Hot Mess: fi me

crocs: good

* * *

**Hot Mess sent a DM to crocs**

Hot Mess: srry about last night bro

crocs: u only got 3 hours of sleep??

Hot Mess: i mean we have to get up t his early to get ready adn catch the bus anyone bror

crocs: i see ur still tired

Hot Mess: listenn./…..i made thi s choice….

crocs: what were u even doing like was it worth it

Hot Mess: okay: i was tryong to figure out how to set up harley adn flower girl

Hot Mess: and mayev if we have time floyd and rick

crocs: (1) be glad this isnt the group chat bc those typos are chat name material

crocs: (2) u realize u can literally. Just go talk to that flower girl and give her harleys number

Hot Mess: point taken for the 2nd one

Hot Mess: but;;; what about floyd and rick

crocs: i mean the sexual tension is undeniable

crocs: but isnt rick still dating june or whatever

crocs: like i dont want to be an indirect homewrecker

Hot Mess: nah theyvs broke up like really recently

crocs: why???

crocs: i havent heard ANY of the recent rumors and i losing my touch????

Hot Mess: okay so u kno june’s weird older sister who never lleft her emo phase and refuses to be called anything but ‘enchantress’

crocs: does she go here

Hot Mess: nah shes like in college but she does still live in the area

crocs: ohh is she the one whos always hanging out with that buff dude

Hot Mess: uea h thats the brother

crocs: june having siblings is surreal to me

Hot Mess: ANYWAY

Hot Mess: they were like,,,working together to vandalize school property

Hot Mess: and they were stealing technology and shit

Hot Mess: idk if u heard about that bc Waller was trying to keep it on the dow n low

crocs: yeah i did bc they accused me of stealing it

crocs: systematic racism strikes yet again :/

Hot Mess: yeah the same w me :/

Hot Mess: but yeah they were using june’s access to private areas as a Student Council President™

crocs: did she kno

Hot Mess: she says no but they wouldnt have been able to get in with minimal damage otherwise

Hot Mess: and they got in with minimal damage

crocs: this sounds like a conspiracy theory

crocs: be honest is there a corkboard in ur room with tacks and rubber bands rn

Hot Mess: IM JUST SAYING

Hot Mess: AND theres a rumor that shes actually the Drug Dealer

crocs: N O W A Y

crocs: june would NEVER

Hot Mess: i agree w that tbh shes too Pure. like at least with the stolen tech she could have been pressured into it but like….june wouldnt sell drugs

crocs: so whats happening????

Hot Mess: okay SO

Hot Mess: june paid for a third of the tech stolen (unfair tbh but she can afford it)

Hot Mess: and shes transferring schools...like State transferring

crocs: she graduates this year tho with us like….isnt that a little Extra

Hot Mess: i mean idk she has been under a lot of administrative pressure rn

crocs: as floyd would say, cant she just white ppl that shit

Hot Mess: she kinda is tho

Hot Mess: by transferring

Hot Mess: to another state

crocs: lmaoooo

crocs: is the endgame here a long distance breakup

Hot Mess: it is and its already happened...june’s idea

crocs: okay 2 important questions here bro

Hot Mess: hmu bro

crocs: how did u find this out

Hot Mess: a LOT of texting….a LOOOOT of texting….and some journalistic snooping. I had to hit up clark kent & lois for some of this info.

crocs: okay….but dont stay up that late again bc i kno u can barely function on that and like. I worry.

Hot Mess: <3 thank u waylon. second question?

crocs: how is that smol cactus doing

Hot Mess: good!!!

crocs: good

crocs: also we have been talkign for like 20 minutes and i think we might be late if we dont leave now do u need a ride

Hot Mess: PLEASE

* * *

**HarleyQueenzel sent a message at 10:04 PM**

HarleyQueenzel: sooo i was thinking about getting knee-high socks

Better: why

HarleyQueenzel: bc u can NEVER have enough knee high socks!!!

Better: ….of course

HarleyQueenzel: and im gonna mix and match so i need advice on the color schemes

HarleyQueenzel: black + red or pastel pink + pastel blue???

Better: pastel bc it matches ur hair

hot-aussie: also the pastel is nicer. Harder colors...that shit aint easy on the eyes

Better: once again ur fashion expertise has saved the day dugger

hot-aussie: its digger

Better: i know

hot-aussie: ;’(

Better: also @harley black and red are the Emo Colors and this squad is more scene then emo

HarleyQueenzel: consider: scenemo

**Better changed** **_DUGGER_ ** **to** **_Don’t_ **

**Better left** **_Don’t_ **

**HarleyQueenzel added Better to** **_Don’t_ **

HarleyQueenzel: it wasnt THAT bad

Better: it was

hot-aussie: mate we’ve already reached scenemo harley tried to get us to go to hot topic literally yesterday

HarleyQueenzel: croc went and we had fun!!!

hot-aussie: yeah have fun w ur overpriced skull earrings

HarleyQueenzel: FALSE!!! There was a sale and we bought glow in the dark nail polish

Better: doesnt their nail polish come in skull shaped containers

HarleyQueenzel: the perfume does too! But the perfume sucks

hot-aussie: :/

Better: :/

HarleyQueenzel: >:(

hot-aussie: anyway does anyone want to help me write my english essay

Better: as in….the one...due today

hot-aussie: yes

HarleyQueenzel: good luck lmao

Better: u always complain about school but like….u dont do the fucking work boi

hot-aussie: ughhh fuck offfff

hot-aussie: going afk so i can speed write that bs

HarleyQueenzel: later

Better: finally

HarleyQueenzel: lmao

HarleyQueenzel: hey would u hypothetically be up for a movie night

Better: it’s tuesday harley

HarleyQueenzel: well not TODAY

Better: idk if i could sit in a room with all of u that long

HarleyQueenzel: what if we watched the latest Owlman

Better:.......im considering it

HarleyQueenzel: <3

Better: didnt it get bad reviews tho

HarleyQueenzel: thats only bc Colonel Antarctica 3 came out in the same week and critics r biased

HarleyQueenzel: AND i guess critics dont fucking understand dream sequences or mental illness!!!

HarleyQueenzel: oh god forbid theres PTSD that isnt explicitly spelled out 7 times!!!!!

Better: do u have diagrams and proof lmao

HarleyQueenzel: YES AND I W I L L SHOW THEM TO U

Better: nice

* * *

**CrnelFlag sent a DM to headshot**

CrnelFlag: hey whats up w chato??

CrnelFlag: i asked him a question during study hall and he looked at me blankly for 3 minutes

CrnelFlag: i think he fell asleep with his eyes open?

headshot: he was up rly late

headshot: like. Croc late. Which is fine for croc but not fine for chato lmao

CrnelFlag: ??? Why?

headshot: bc chato actually has a sleep schedule and croc has so thoroughly fucked up his own that they r polar opposites on the sleepmobile

CrnelFlag: no i meant why was chato up

headshot: i didnt ask

CrnelFlag: nice

headshot: hey is it tru u and june broke up

CrnelFlag: yeah…..I’m kinda bummed about it

headshot: why shed split

CrnelFlag: “I don’t think we can make a long distance relationship work, Rick”

headshot: ooh thats harsh

headshot: that bc she’s gonna transfer?

CrnelFlag: yeah.

CrnelFlag: I mean...we had planned to go to different colleges anyway…

CrnelFlag: I had just assumed that we would’ve stayed together when we moved but I guess she didn’t??

CrnelFlag: i guess i shouldve talked to her about it before i did haha

headshot: do u need to talk about it?

CrnelFlag: nah im good...

headshot: ok but im game if u do lol

* * *

**headshot sent a DM to HarleyQueenzel**

headshot: okay so im not a potential homewrecker anymore

headshot: but i feel kinda bad like i didnt think he liked her that much

HarleyQueenzel: i mean they were kinda the “picket fence with 1.5 children” couple if i ever saw one

headshot: that is true….

HarleyQueenzel: but ppl move on!!! I was DEVASTATED when i first broke it off w mr j but i got over it!!!

headshot: wait u were upset when u initiated the break up????

HarleyQueenzel: it was not a healthy relationship and getting out of it was hard floyd

headshot: yikes @ him...sorry

HarleyQueenzel: yeah thats p much why im NOT all over ivy rn haha bc like...dont want THAT to happen again

headshot: she seems nice from what i heard

HarleyQueenzel: still a #struggle tbh

HarleyQueenzel: anyway just hold on!!! Like this groupchat is keeping our squad together whether u like it or not!!!!

HarleyQueenzel: oh also do u wanna see Owlman v Ultraman with us on friday

headshot: who’s us

HarleyQueenzel: uhh hopefully all of us but rn just katana and me

HarleyQueenzel: AND IF U SAY “ohhh didnt it get bad ratings isnt is bad” OUR FRIENDSHIP IS O V E R

headshot: damn lmao. But yeah sure im about it

HarleyQueenzel: cool!!! Ask chato and croc during math okay??? I’ll text rick and digger

headshot: alright cool

* * *

**hot-aussie sent a message at 2:59 PM**

hot-aussie: JUST WANT YALL TO KNOW THAT I!!! FINISHED!!!! THE ESSAY!!!!

hot-aussie: no thx to any of u >:(

HarleyQueenzel: i gave u emotional support

crocs: u have english last period tho so like...not too proud

Hot Mess: im proud but bro u should maybe not do an entire essay during school

CrnelFlag: ^^^ seconded

hot-aussie: FUCK OFF SMH

hot-aussie: ive done it before and i’ll do it again

Better: is it a good essay tho

Better: like i bet its shit tier

HarleyQueenzel: …….@ digger what is the truth

Better: yeah spill it dugger

hot-aussie: everything i DO is god tier mate

headshot: u got ur nose broken in a dennys parking lot fight

hot-aussie: it actually wasnt broken just sprained

crocs: nice

crocs: didnt u scream at barry again today

hot-aussie: yeah

Better: y tho

hot-aussie: his face makes me vomit

Hot Mess: did he DO anything??

hot-aussie: no he just kinda put his head on the table while sighing dramatically

Better: y r u so constantly loud

hot-aussie: ;)

Better: now im sighing dramatically

Better: im a good person and i dont deserve this

crocs: lmao

HarleyQueenzel: OH!!! Bc the entire squad is online (a FIRST tbh) are yall down for OvU on friday?????

crocs: i kno it stands for Owlman v Ultraman but OvU looks like the grossest emoji face ever

crocs: but yeah me and chato r ready

Hot Mess: AMPED TBH

hot-aussie: isnt it supposed to be bad tho

_ crocs sent dogwithaknife.jpg _

hot-aussie: holy shit croc

hot-aussie: im going anyway tho so sure

Better: rly? I’d prefer it if u didnt :(

hot-aussie: WHAT DID I EVEN DO

crocs: sorry dugger

CrnelFlag: I’m going. I just like action sequences honestly.

HarleyQueenzel: i am soooo excited like!!! I cant wait to analyze everything <3

hot-aussie: why r u going to analyze a superhero film

hot-aussie: do u even know how to analyze a superhero film

HarleyQueenzel: Um???? Of course i do????

HarleyQueenzel: also i want to be a psychiatrist so like...getting my head start with fictional characters!!!!

Hot Mess: thats pretty cool harley

HarleyQueenzel: thank u!!!!

HarleyQueenzel: movies r always more fun when ur with a squad tho...especially when the majority is actually excited!!!!

crocs: A M P E D

Better: u guys r weirdly intense

crocs: just wait until the female Ghostwranglers reboot lmao then itll get lit

HarleyQueenzel: HYPE!!!!!!!!

Hot Mess: H Y P E !!!!!!

hot-aussie: no one is supposed to enjoy movies that much chill


	6. romance~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after next monday, school starts for me and i am unprepared. All i’ve been doing is playing zombie games and internally freaking out….if any of u wanna play l4d2 with me and cry, hmu lmao. 99% sure y’alls nice words are keeping me emotionally ready for school, so thank you!!! ^-^
> 
> Additionally, for those of u who don’t know, Owlman and Ultraman are the actual names of canon evil-alternate-universe Batman and Superman, which is, quite frankly, hilarious.

**HarleyQueenzel sent a message at 11:40 AM**

HarleyQueenzel: HOW PUMPED R U GUYS FOR TMMRW?????

Better: moderately

HarleyQueenzel: WELL I AM SUPER FUCKING AMPED!!!!

Better: really. Are you now.

HarleyQueenzel: ;^)

Better: that was neither an answer or an attempt at one

HarleyQueenzel: r u upset or smtn??? Wats going on????

Better: nah im good i just feel Extra today

HarleyQueenzel: nice

Better: its my super power

crocs: thats a cool superpower

crocs: bc u could just. Fucking rek someone at all times

Better: i do that irl tho

crocs: lmao

crocs: also @harley:: i too am amped af

HarleyQueenzel: !!!!!

Better: u have to get thru 2 days of school tho

HarleyQueenzel: >:(

crocs: >>>:(((

HarleyQueenzel: why does that emoji have 3 extra eyebrows

crocs: emphasis

crocs: but u did just imply the normal amount of eyebrows to have is 0

HarleyQueenzel: ugh it would be so hard to read faces if no one had eyebrows

crocs: i think we could manage

HarleyQueenzel: how tho???? By just lookin at eyes????

crocs: mouths

Better: yall are weird

Better: anyway the real tragedy would be that we couldnt use our eyebrows to express extreme regret or disappointment anymore

crocs: damn u right

* * *

 

**headshot sent a message at 1:34 PM**

headshot: does anyone want to get food after school

headshot: honestly id be down for icecream but i am #drained and i cant do this alone

HarleyQueenzel: OMG YES!!!!

CrnelFlag: They do say ice cream is the best break-up coping food.

CrnelFlag: so sure

headshot: it will be therapeutic for all of us

HarleyQueenzel: omg how did u manage to spell that right

headshot: dont ask im #drained

CrnelFlag: omg

headshot: we’ve only been back for a few weeks and im already done

CrnelFlag: Honestly, it’s kinda impressive that you guys all managed to get detention within the first week of school

headshot: as croc would say...im dedicated to my craft

HarleyQueenzel: thats brand infringement floyd

headshot: listen...fuck you

CrnelFlag: Rude

HarleyQueenzel: omg tatsu is in a bad mood too it is just One Of Those Days™

headshot: good we can complain together

CrnelFlag: Hey should we meet you after school?

CrnelFlag: Like, are we going from there?

headshot: yes….thank you

HarleyQueenzel: ;^)

headshot: i’ll block u harley i s2g

CrnelFlag: I have no idea what is happening

HarleyQueenzel: i hope the ice cream shop has that edible glitter!!!

headshot: u mean ‘sprinkles’

HarleyQueenzel: i said what i meant and i meant what i said

headshot: oh

CrnelFlag: They won’t.

headshot: they wont

HarleyQueenzel: >:(

* * *

 

**hot-aussie sent a message at 2:00 PM**

hot-aussie: does anyone want to help me cause a distraction

Hot Mess: why are you like this digger???

crocs: what for

Hot Mess: waylon pls dont

crocs: idk man if its good I Will

hot-aussie: im stealing test answers and then im cutting school

crocs: wow nvm then

crocs: thats so basic digger

hot-aussie: shocked, hurt, offended,

crocs: theres literally only an hour left before school ends this is Not worth it

Hot Mess: digger 10 years from now i promise i’ll visit you in jail

hot-aussie: why do u assume i’ll be in jail

hot-aussie: when i get arrested im going to a Maximum Security prison

crocs: ‘when’

Hot Mess: oh my god

hot-aussie: and THEN i’ll break out

Hot Mess: OH my GOD

Hot Mess: it might be better for my track record if i stay far away from you

crocs: what r u going to prison for in this scenario

hot-aussie: you know those boomerangs i have right

Hot Mess: excuse me??

crocs: this is not going anywhere good

hot-aussie: i become a criminal who uses boomerangs to rob banks

crocs: this is not a good plan digger

hot-aussie: i figure if i throw fast enough i can eventually work my way up to throwing boomerangs thru time

hot-aussie: so then i can rob banks while in jail and they wont be able to catch me

Hot Mess: homie pls tell me ur joking

crocs: we can never tell with you

hot-aussie: of course im jokinh who do u think i am

crocs: digger

hot-aussie: that is a fair point

hot-aussie: so are any of u helping me create a distraction

Hot Mess: its not worth it dont do it

Hot Mess: i think they might suspend u bro just Keep Clean for a while

crocs: if he gets suspended we dont have to talk to him

Hot Mess: he’s in the chat waylon

hot-aussie: fine chato i s2g ur usurping rick’s squad mom position

Hot Mess: i do what i can

* * *

 

**HarleyQueenzel sent a DM to headshot**

HarleyQueenzel: hey i’m gonna be late bc i ran into….someone i know….

HarleyQueenzel: in fact, i might not even show up!!!!

HarleyQueenzel: so just go have ice cream without me!!!

headshot: HARLEY NO THATS A DATE

HarleyQueenzel: whaaaat?? Nah just bros being bros…...bros helping each other thru hardships….

headshot: HARLEY

HarleyQueenzel: bros….with the potential of smooching………

headshot: H A R L E Y

HarleyQueenzel: be his shoulder to cry on!!!

headshot: he’s emotionally rekt rn and im tired this is NOT A GOOD TIME

HarleyQueenzel: listen !!!! even if this isnt a good time to hook up…..this is still a good time to strengthen the bonds of friendship!!!!!!!!!

headshot: …..i guess ur right…….

HarleyQueenzel: of COURSE im right im like….the world’s best wingman.

headshot: up for debate

HarleyQueenzel: alright stop texting me and go find him lmao

* * *

 

**CrnelFlag sent a DM to Better**

CrnelFlag: Tatsu, how soon is too soon to be over a break up?

Better: idk whenever im in a relationship i’m always the dumper

Better: i have never been the dumpee im way too good for that shit

Better: why r u asking. Did u finally realize floyd is potential dating material or nah

CrnelFlag: WOW YOU REALLY HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD

Better: r u okay

CrnelFlag: NO!!!!! I’ve dated June for about a year!!! I CANNOT be over it this quickly,,,

Better: listen….its been a couple days since the break up thats long enough in my book

CrnelFlag: We are very different people

Better: i say hold out for at least a week or 2 so he doesnt think ur emotionally compromised

Better: then;;; romance

CrnelFlag: Things You Are: NO HELP

Better: rude

Better: what brought this on

CrnelFlag: Ice cream

CrnelFlag: Harley was supposed to come but she ran into someone so it was just Floyd and I.

Better: imm laughiogn thats ICONIC

CrnelFlag: SHUT UP!!!!

Better: lisetn;;;;; thats classci

CrnelFlag: I WAS UNPREPARED AND DEFENSELESS

Better: lmao whatever…..

Better: well im definitely not letting u sit anywhere BUT next to him tmrw lmao

CrnelFlag: You are a terrible friend and I hate you :)

Better: ease up on the passive aggressiveness there

CrnelFlag: :) :) :)

Better: lmaoooo

* * *

 

**Better sent a DM to HarleyQueenzel**

Better: holy fucking shit did u smoothly and casually turn a friend hangout into a date

HarleyQueenzel: ;^)

Better: #ICONIC

HarleyQueenzel: how did it go???

Better: ;)

HarleyQueenzel: NICE

Better: they are SO sitting next to each other tmmrw

HarleyQueenzel: absolutely

* * *

 

**HarleyQueenzel sent a message at 7:30 AM**

HarleyQueenzel: TODAY IS THE DAYYYY

crocs: AMPED

Hot Mess: A M P E D

Better: moderately ready

hot-aussie: we still have to get thru the entirety of school tho

HarleyQueenzel: IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT

crocs: yeah bro wonder gal is in that movie

HarleyQueenzel: the love of my life~~~~

Better: yeah i’d like to see u keep that chipper attitude all day lmao

HarleyQueenzel: Too Much

crocs: Too Much™

Better: ah. My mistake.

* * *

 

**hot-aussie sent a message at 2:06 PM**

hot-aussie: r we all going together or meeting up

crocs: uh im carpooling w/chato and u and i think rick is picking up everyone else

hot-aussie: why was i not aware of this plan

crocs: tatsu wanted to make sure she wasnt going to be in the same car as u

crocs: she said she wouldve DIED

hot-aussie: um. Rude.

crocs: to be fair i dont think ricks car is big enough for everyone

hot-aussie: can we get there first

crocs: why

hot-aussie: so i can scope out hot chicks???

crocs: no but we can get there first so i can hog the popcorn and Git Gud seats

hot-aussie: did u just try to use a meme as a pun

crocs: i am TRYING my BEST

hot-aussie: …..sure

crocs: also pls dont hit on the girls at the movies

crocs: theyre there to enjoy cinema let them be

hot-aussie: fuck off

* * *

 

**HarleyQueenzel sent a message at 3:23 PM**

HarleyQueenzel: OKAY GAME PLAN

HarleyQueenzel: WHOEVER GETS THERE FIRST DONT GO IN

HarleyQueenzel: SO WE CAN CHOOSE SEATS TOGETHER

crocs: cool

HarleyQueenzel: but feel free to by ur own snacks tho

HarleyQueenzel: bc i am a MONSTER when it comes to hogging snacks

Hot Mess: i will not be sitting next to you then

HarleyQueenzel: thats fair

Better: okay do we care where we sit bc i want an end seat

crocs: why

Better: if theres a fire im getting out ASAP

hot-aussie: wow

hot-aussie: and leave me to die?

Better: if im lucky

hot-aussie: damn. No honor among thieves.

Better: yeah except im not a thief???

hot-aussie: my bad. Bc u stole my heart

Better: dugger if u ever say smtn THAT stupid again im gonna punch u

hot-aussie: it was worth a shot!!!!

Better: it rly wasnt

* * *

 

**HarleyQueenzel sent a message at 7:09 PM**

HarleyQueenzel: THAT WAS AMONG ONE OF THE GREATEST FILMS E V E R

crocs: i was LITERALLY crying when wonder gal showed up

Hot Mess: i cried during the entire thing bro i was DEVASTATED

HarleyQueenzel: i!!! Just!!!!

crocs: same

Hot Mess: same

hot-aussie: i’ll admit that it was pretty alright for a movie with a 38% score

crocs: WHO COULD RATE IT POORLY?????

Hot Mess: Dicks™

HarleyQueenzel: alright well now its time to post 30 different analysis online and get anon hate about enjoying a film!!!

crocs: thats some #relatable content

Hot Mess: idk i think im just gonna cry some more

hot-aussie: didnt u cry enough during the film

Hot Mess: NO!

hot-aussie: like. It was rly loud. U got salty tears in the popcorn

hot-aussie: And im like 99% sure croc was holding ur hand at one point

Hot Mess: i was an EMOTIONAL WRECK digger

crocs: just bros being bros

hot-aussie: sure…………..of course…..

hot-aussie: speaking of gay shit was it just me or did anyone else hear rick and floyd making out

crocs: did u even watch the movie or did u just stare at everyone else

hot-aussie: yall r loud okay

Hot Mess: WAIT WERE THEY RLY

Hot Mess: @ HARLEY U WERE NEXT TO THEM WERE THEY???

HarleyQueenzel: i was so engrossed in the film that i couldnt focus on anything????

Better: they were

Better: it was kinda annoying but im over it

Hot Mess: AHHHH

HarleyQueenzel: AHHHHH

crocs: i mean. Im not rly surprised by this turn in events

hot-aussie: for once we can agree


	7. Asshole Ex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry about missing the monday update, a lot of stuff happened and it was just easier for me to just make this chapter longer instead of rushing an update. So this is like….about twice the length of what i normally type. Sorry again!  
> ANYWAY!!!! I GOT FANART!!!!!!! These r so cute and i love them and here are the links!!!  
> [OKAY HERES THE ONE ON THEIR MAIN](http://theatrix-the-goddess.tumblr.com/post/149891432505/hylianfishfood-go-read-her-fic-its-amazing)  
> [AND HERE”S THE ONE ON THE ARTBLOG!!!](http://pencilwhich.tumblr.com/post/149894791508/hylianfishfood)  
> Theatrix i cant thank you ENOUGH!!!!
> 
> Also! Warning in this chapter for mentions of past abuse and general Bad Content from the Joker….he’s gross and threatening and i’ll fight him myself
> 
> EDIT: I TRIED TO SCHEDULE THIS CHAPTER FOR TMMRW BUT I GUESS AO3 FUCKED UP CAUSE IT PUBLISHED AND LIKE,.....I SPENT SO MUCH TIME SETTING UP THE LINKS IM NOT DOING IT AGAIN. SO I GUESS NO UPDATE THURSDAY BUT YAY FOR YALL U GET AN EARLY CHAPTER

**HarleyQueenzel sent a DM to headshot**

HarleyQueenzel: WHY DIDNT U TELL ME??????

headshot: i have no idea what ur talking about

HarleyQueenzel: DONT PLAY DUMB WITH ME I KNOW U KNOW

headshot: u kno that i have no idea what ur talking about?

HarleyQueenzel: YOU HOOKED UP WITH RICK!!!

HarleyQueenzel: DID IT START WITH THE ICECREAM??? IS THAT WHY U WOULDNT TALK TO ME ABOUT IT???

headshot: oh THAT lmao

headshot: nah man we just started makin out during OvU

headshot: i mean. I didnt initiate it but im not complaining

HarleyQueenzel: OMG!!!! IM FREAKIN G OUT THATS AWESOME

headshot: yeah im pretty psyched

headshot: idk tho it might just be a one off :/

HarleyQueenzel: *deep inhale*

HarleyQueenzel: BOI RICK IS WAY TOO NICE TO EVER DO THAT

headshot: thats tru

headshot: idk man!!! I can be worried if i want!!!!

HarleyQueenzel: Touched a Nerve™

headshot: whatever i guess we’re dating

HarleyQueenzel: JUST TEXT HIM U LOSER

headshot: …..

headshot: idk

HarleyQueenzel: according to tatsu he was EATING UR FACE

HarleyQueenzel: i SRSLY doubt he’s gonna mind

headshot: wise words from someone ignoring their own crush

HarleyQueenzel: …….

headshot: fine lmao

HarleyQueenzel: :)

* * *

 

**headshot sent a DM to CrnelFlag**

headshot: yo

headshot: lmao this is stupid

headshot: but are we dating or what

headshot: lmao @ me where is the TACT

CrnelFlag: Hey!!! yes, I mean like if that’s okay

CrnelFlag: Like!!! I don’t want you to think this is just a rebound or whatever!! I actually do enjoy your company!!!

headshot: why do i feel like we r acting like 12 year olds lmao

CrnelFlag: Probably because we’re both being unnecessarily paranoid haha :)

headshot: yeah lmao

headshot: i mean. I’m down with the dating thing

CrnelFlag: That’s awesome!!!

headshot: but like. Idk. im a little worried about the june thing still

CrnelFlag: That’s totally understandable!!! Like, we should definitely talk about this irl sometime

CrnelFlag: Because we don’t want anything really extra to happen where we don’t communicate our feelings and it ends up like a bad sitcom because we didn’t talk haha

headshot: lmao yeah i feel that

headshot: wanna hang out tmmrw? Im not doing anything else

CrnelFlag: Sure!

headshot: cool

CrnelFlag: :)

headshot: :)

* * *

 

**Hot Mess sent a DM to crocs**

Hot Mess: i cant believe rick and floyd FINALLY hooked up!!!

Hot Mess: they didnt even need my help

crocs: idk man it was gonna happen eventually

crocs: like. Im glad that they worked it out or whatever but.

crocs: Now theyre gonna be all ….. Romantic irl

Hot Mess: floyd is Not One for physical contact tho

Hot Mess: remember when he briefed us on not hugging him, ever

crocs: yeah but he LIKES rick

crocs: remember when rick hugged him and floyd didnt do a damn thing

Hot Mess: ...tru

crocs: like. I guess im just kinda bitter or whatev but i have never been about ppl flaunting their relationships cause like….

crocs: ppl arent usually attracted to literal crocodiles or whatever.

crocs: its that bitter, no cards on valentines day feel.

Hot Mess: aww waylon :(

Hot Mess: i didnt kno u felt that way

Hot Mess: i think ur pretty great :)

crocs: u r 2 good 4 me chato

Hot Mess: nah bro we r Just Right

crocs: lmao

* * *

 

**HarleyQueenzel sent a message at 8:31 AM**

HarleyQueenzel: TODAY IS THE DAY!!!

Better: “the day”

Better: for what

HarleyQueenzel: IN LIGHT OF RECENT ROMANTIC EVENTS

HarleyQueenzel: I WILL BE TALKING TO THE FLOWERSHOP GIRL TODAY!!!

Better: nice

Hot Mess: ooohh can i come with i want to get another cactus

crocs: can i come with with i want to help pick out chato’s cactus

Better: yeah im sure mobbing her will help harley’s cause

crocs: rude

Hot Mess: yeah im non-threatening AF

crocs: oh im like the opposite

crocs: also u have tatoos on r face chato.

Hot Mess: not many…..and its not like they’re skull shaped or anything….

crocs: okay but like…..i kno ur chill but Others Don’t

HarleyQueenzel: NO! NONE OF YOU CAN COME! 

crocs: of course we can??? We r the Wingpeople

Hot Mess: WINGPEOPLE!!!

HarleyQueenzel: youd just tell her i was madly in love with her and to give me a pity date

crocs: ….

Better: I mean. That’s what i’d do too.

Hot Mess: well if u arent letting me come then u have to buy me a cactus

Hot Mess: (((buy one of the cheap ones so i can pay you back)))

HarleyQueenzel: ….I’ll pay for it if u make sure croc doesnt come with me

Hot Mess: hey waylon wanna play video games at ur house

crocs: sure but i rly hope its bc u actually are my friend and not just for a free cactus

Hot Mess: lmao

crocs: lmao

Better: this chat is a mess

* * *

 

**HarleyQueenzel sent a message at 10:03 AM**

HarleyQueenzel: theres someone else on shift

HarleyQueenzel: what do

hot-aussie: hit on them

Better: u never quit do u

hot-aussie: persistent ;)

Better: annoying

CrnelFlag: Just go back later?

HarleyQueenzel: i guess????? But im afraid if i leave i wont get the courage??? To come back????

CrnelFlag: But it’s also going to be really weird if you sit there for presumably multiple hours waiting for an employee

Better: yeah thats creepy

Better: thats like…….gross

HarleyQueenzel: yeah……

HarleyQueenzel: i should prob do my homework lmao

CrnelFlag: You aren’t going to, are you

HarleyQueenzel: i mean. I will. I love google

Better: #same

CrnelFlag: TATSU!

Better: only occasionally lmao

hot-aussie: yeah as someone who has written entire essays using only yahoo answers

hot-aussie: it’s not that big a deal

CrnelFlag: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

hot-aussie: a terrible blend between laziness and self motivation

Better: those 2 things….shouldnt be mixed

hot-aussie: my city now

* * *

 

**Hot Mess sent a message at 9:43 AM**

Hot Mess: FLOYD I S2G STOP TRYING TO CHALLENGE US ON SHOOTERS

crocs: WE!!! WILL!!! NOT!!! RESPOND!!!

headshot: wtf is the problem

crocs: ur TOO GOOD BRO

Hot Mess: if we weren’t versus...it would be fine.

Hot Mess: But u fucking snipe people with machine guns and im honestly still confused about how that works

headshot: hard work

headshot: dedication

headshot: i have this username for a reason baby

crocs: yeah whatever it is i dont want it against me

CrnelFlag: Can’t you just cooperate?

crocs: no???

Hot Mess: no.

headshot: no

CrnelFlag: I should probably change the name of this chat to *deep inhale* but I won’t

**crocs changed** **_Don’t_ ** **to** **_*deep inhale*_ **

Hot Mess: He Did What You Could Not

CrnelFlag: I feel a deep inhale coming on

CrnelFlag: also Floyd I know you hate when people text you when you’re in a room with them but I’m doing it anyway

headshot: rude

CrnelFlag: I’ve been at your house for like an hour can we do something other than attack Chato and Croc

headshot: no

CrnelFlag: TBH idk what i expected

headshot: give me 10 more minutes lmao when we can kick some stranger’s ass instead of our friends

CrnelFlag: sounds like a plan :)

* * *

 

**HarleyQueenzel sent a message at 7:30 PM**

HarleyQueenzel: OKAY OKAY OKAY

Better: update

Hot Mess: UPDATE?

HarleyQueenzel: I TOLD HER I MADE SURE I DIDNT KILL MY PLANT AND THAT I WANTED TO MAYBE DATE HER

HarleyQueenzel: AND SHE LAUGHED AND SAID I WAS CUTE

HarleyQueenzel: SO WE CHILLED UNTIL HER SHIFT ENDED AND THEN WE HUNG OUT IN THE PARK

HarleyQueenzel: i have her number <3<3<3

HarleyQueenzel: and her name is IVY!!! How cute is that!!! She rly is a plant lesbian haha

HarleyQueenzel: oh and i bought u a tiny cactus chato

Hot Mess: thx

Hot Mess: and good for u homie!!! Thats awesome!!!

Better: yeah thats pretty cool

Hot Mess: she’s like. Our age tho right

HarleyQueenzel: oh yeah she actually goes to Arkham high...i used to go there i cant believe i never met her before

HarleyQueenzel: omg what if shes friends with my old friends that would be funny

Hot Mess: um???? U have friends who arent us????

HarleyQueenzel: yeah lmao i dont text them a lot bc like...they mostly never text back but like…..Harvey and Selina r my bros

Hot Mess: introduce me

HarleyQueenzel: if ur not a cat person selina will beat u up btw

Hot Mess: nice

Better: lmao dont u feel stupid now for freaking out earlier

HarleyQueenzel: a little! But not much bc like….multiverse theory says theres a universe where she said no

Hot Mess: speaking of multiverse theory how do u feel about berenstein v berenstain

HarleyQueenzel: multiverse

Better: why am i not surprised

* * *

 

**HarleyQueenzel’s acount automatically rejected message from [BLOCKED]**

* * *

 

**HarleyQueenzel received a DM from XxMessed-UpxX**

XxMessed-UpxX: hey harley babe

XxMessed-UpxX: heard thru the grapevine that u got urself a new date

XxMessed-UpxX: can’t decide if it’s funny or not

XxMessed-UpxX: because u arent NEARLY pretty enough to bag another partner

XxMessed-UpxX: how’d u trick her harley?? HAHAHA

XxMessed-UpxX: on the other hand….why are you trying to date someone who isn’t me?

XxMessed-UpxX: we both know i’m the only one who would put up with u!

HarleyQueenzel: for fucks sake

**HarleyQueenzel blocked XxMessed-UpxX**

* * *

 

**HarleyQueenzel recieved a DM from JokesOnYou**

JokesOnYou: oh come on harley, i know you “broke up” with me but isn’t this a little excessive?

HarleyQueenzel: (1) I DONT WANT TO TALK TO U!!!

HarleyQueenzel: (2) WHY WAS UR FIRST NAME SO EXTRA???? WITH THE Xs

JokesOnYou: don’t forget who you belong to harley

HarleyQueenzel: ur an abusive piece of shit and i hate u :)

**HarleyQueenzel blocked JokesOnYou**

* * *

 

**HarleyQueenzel sent a message at 4:15 AM**

HarleyQueenzel: hey i kno no one is probably up but im freaking out a little here???

crocs: im always up whats wrong

HarleyQueenzel: okay so my ex apparently might be stalking me/have people watching me (all things he’s done) bc he already knows about ivy???

HarleyQueenzel: so now he’s making a bunch of different accounts and contactin gme and like ??? im freaking out a little??

crocs: oh yikes

crocs: is that the j dude??? He’s a dick

HarleyQueenzel: I KNO THAT CROC

crocs: sorry i react to problems by Not Doing Things and letting the stress envelope my body but. I’ll try to help?

crocs: whats he saying???

HarleyQueenzel: okay so basically i broke up w him bc he was mentally and physically abusive and manipulative and he fucking SUCKED

HarleyQueenzel: and one of his tactics is to talk about how like….we’re made for each other and im not good enough for anyone else…….

HarleyQueenzel: and basically thats what he’s texting me!! And it sucks!!!!

crocs: oh geez i didnt kno it was that intense

HarleyQueenzel: yeah like….it took me a couple years to Get Out

HarleyQueenzel: i mean like...he was a senior dating a freshman so like…

crocs: oh yeah YIKES

crocs: maybe make a new account? Or i could get digger to beat him up while i film it

HarleyQueenzel: idk bc like,,,,i rly wanna respond to his texts and like...fight w him????

HarleyQueenzel: but i also wanna beat him up myself???

HarleyQueenzel: but im ALSO afraid of relapsing and shit????

crocs: maybe u should quarantine urself from ur phone

HarleyQueenzel: ew

crocs: okay bad idea

crocs: maybe u should meet up with him and kick the living shit out of him

crocs: i’ll still film

HarleyQueenzel: UGHHH ITS JUST LIKE

HarleyQueenzel: I RLY WANT THINGS TO WORK OUT WITH IVY????

HarleyQueenzel: AND I DONT WANT HIM TO RUIN THAT

HarleyQueenzel: LIKE!!! I THOUGHT HE WAS DONE!!!

HarleyQueenzel: now i have to WORRY again

crocs: aw dude that totally sucks and if u need any specific help i’ll do my best

crocs: from what chato tells me ivy sounds like she’d beat him up if u asked

HarleyQueenzel: do u think i should tell her????

crocs: idk??? It might be a little heavy early on but i think that she needs to know???

HarleyQueenzel: ugh….i’ll go tell her in person soon or smtn…..

HarlryQueenzel: im just gonna go afk for a bit and block all notifications for a while in case he gets bored and it blows over

crocs: okay gotcha

crocs: sorry he resurfaced :(

* * *

 

**crocs sent a message at 11:13 AM**

crocs: IN CASE NONE OF U READ OLD TEXTS HARLEY IS AFK

crocs: HER EX DICKLORD SUPREME IS HARASSING HER AND SHE ISNT IN THE MOOD

hot-aussie: i’ll fucking fight him

CrnelFlag: Normally I would criticize Digger but honestly i agree

Better: “normally i would criticize digger” same

Better: but i could kick j’s ass better then all u guys so like...arrange a time and place

headshot: this sucks tbh i wish we could do smtn

hot-aussie: i bet we can track him down and kick his ass

Better: yeah im about that

CrnelFlag: I mean, I think if Harley wants us to beat him up she’ll tell us...but I feel like she wants to beat him up herself….

crocs: ughhh

headshot: ^

Better: ^^^

hot-aussie: ^^^^^^

Hot Mess: i wake up to this terrible drama why is it like this

crocs: bc j fucking sucks

Hot Mess: that is tru and fair

* * *

 

**HarleyQueenzel sent a message at 5:08 PM**

HarleyQueenzel: ok he stopped blowing up my phone so im back until it starts again but i just watnt yall to know

HarleyQueenzel: i told ivy and she was pretty pissed at j

HarleyQueenzel: she knows him apparently he used to go to the store and Loiter

HarleyQueenzel: and by that i mean “shove plants off the shelves and refuse to pay for them”

HarleyQueenzel: also rick was right if anyone is beating up j it’s gonna be me

Better: i, for one, am in full support of u beating him up

headshot: yeah like…...maybe not rn but before school ends and we go to college i need a video of u kicking his ass

HarleyQueenzel: thx for the support...im kinda glad we have school tmrw bc like. I dont wanna deal w this lmao

headshot: hey we’ll do whatev we can

Better: i cant get over how much of a dick he is like ill fight him

Better: but i wont bc u asked me not to harley

HarleyQueenzel: lol thx...the real mvp

Better: i try


	8. oh man oh boy has croc been thru some shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *THIS IS THURSDAYS UPDATE. I AM PUBLISHING IT TODAY BC I AM STAYING AFTER SCHOOL FOR GSA TMMRW AND I DONT WANT YALL TO GET A LATE UPDATE SO HAVE AN EARLY ONE* 
> 
> u might have noticed i changed update days! Thats bc theres a shit ton of homework! And like, i rly want to do well this year, so im shifting the focus off this fic a little.
> 
> And thank you to everyone in the comments last update who mentioned wanting to draw fanart, don’t feel obligated to in any way, it’s just so super nice that u guys even considered it <3
> 
> SPEAKING OF ART I GOT SOME MORE! This is iconic tbh!! 
> 
> [It’s floyd being angry at digger, which is frankly 50% of this fic, and i love it!!!](http://geekeater.tumblr.com/post/150392153808/fanart-for-the-amazing-fanfic-squad-by)
> 
> (also abbi, who drew this, has a fanfic inspired by this one that i have somehow managed to forget to shout out??? Its rly good and like….i havent subscribed yet and i Need Too. Check it out lmao bc i LOVE IT 
> 
> [HALL MONITERS AU IS ALL WE NEED IN THIS WORLD AND NOW IT EXISTS!!!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7972114/chapters/18235072)
> 
> Also i made some minor edits to a couple old chapters. Nothing big. The only kinda important thing is that ivy goes to Arkham High, not Gotham High (bc gotham high is actually gotham prep, which is where all the rly rich kids *cough*BRUCE*cough* go)
> 
> J subplot taking a backseat for a little bit…..he’s trying reverse psychology by not texting harley to try and make her text him. It isnt working.

**HarleyQueenzel sent a message at 10:06 AM**

HarleyQueenzel: ughhh ive barely been able to focus all DAYY

hot-aussie: thats me everyday but i suspect ur reasons r different

HarleyQueenzel: well im worried that j is gonna text me again……

hot-aussie: hes stupid and i hate him

HarleyQueenzel: and im still kinda freaking out that ivy like...wants to date me???

hot-aussie: as someone attracted to many girls; not a surprise

HarleyQueenzel: digger i love u but nothing u say is ever helpful

hot-aussie: im not the one who made this groupchat

hot-aussie: and im certainly not the one who added myself here

HarleyQueenzel: everyones a critic >:(

hot-aussie: im just SAYING, okay

hot-aussie: me: tries to be a good friend

hot-aussie: y’all: DIGGER STOP

HarleyQueenzel: the melodrama

HarleyQueenzel: ur so extra

hot-aussie: if i could remember shit i’d be a potential theater kid

HarleyQueenzel: ….at least ur self aware

hot-aussie: i was a child actor

HarleyQueenzel: bitch i kno that aint tru

hot-aussie: i was in a commercial for a failing cereal brand in australia

hot-aussie: “Captain Crunch-Ems”

hot-aussie: it is no longer sold

HarleyQueenzel: afbdsaifb

hot-aussie: those were the glory days

* * *

 

**crocs sent a message at 10:34 AM**

crocs: wait where does ivy go to school again

Better: y do u care

crocs: i think i used to go there

HarleyQueenzel: u went to Arkham?????

crocs: yeah lmao holy shit

crocs: thats rly funny

HarleyQueenzel: I USED TO GO TO ARKHAM!!!!!

crocs: thats even funnier

crocs: especially bc if we went at the same time u managed to miss a Giant Crocodile Man

HarleyQueenzel: OMGGGG

HarleyQueenzel: WHAT YEARS WERE U THERE????

crocs: i was a croc Freshman and croc Sophmore

Better: why did u put croc in front of both those things

crocs: Branding™

HarleyQueenzel: I WAS THERE FOR BOTH THOSE YEARS THO???

HarleyQueenzel: I ONLY TRANSFERRED HERE AFTER JUNIOR YEAR

HarleyQueenzel: SO WHY DID WE NOT MEET???

crocs: i mean

crocs: we mightve

crocs: like. Its prob a stretch bc u wouldve recognized the scales lmao but like…

crocs: i used to be a girl??? Sorta?????

crocs: i mean. Ive always been a boy lmao but like. Ppl used to think i was a girl.

crocs: bc im ~~trans as hell~~~

HarleyQueenzel: …..hmmm its not ringing any bells i guess i didnt meet u at all

crocs: i love when i publicly out myself for no reason

Better: u seem calm but i bet ur internally dying

crocs: How Did You Know

Better: but like...chill out bc we’re cool w u and shit

HarleyQueenzel: wait is that why u transferred here????

crocs: lmao kinda but theres actually a whole BUNCH of shit that goes into that

crocs: and im having trouble stealth typing in this class so ill tell u guys later

Better: nice im 99% sure ur deflecting but its fine

Better: anyway harley guess who got publicly harassed yesterday

HarleyQueenzel: oh nooooo

Better: yep i was pissed as hell

HarleyQueenzel: what happened?????

Better: i was just living my life at target and some CRUSTY ASS OLD MAN hit me up???

Better: and it was like. 100% an asian thing. Like he straight up told me i was his fetish and i was like…...nope!!!!!

HarleyQueenzel: EWWWW

Better: yep!!! Also he thought i was chinese???? Like rly?????

HarleyQueenzel: did u do anything????

Better: harley i wasnt about to kick his ass in a public area i just kinda screamed until he went away

HarleyQueenzel: ?????

Better: listen. I panicked and i dont rly know target’s policy on customer harassment

Better: but like...def researching that soon….

HarleyQueenzel: does this just like??? Happen a lot???

Better: harley im japanese and this is Fetish City and everyone sucks of course it happens a lot

Better: i literally cant use dating sites anymore bc of a specific Brand™ of man that literally dates multiple asian girls at once

HarleyQueenzel: wait wtf???? Thats a thing????

HarleyQueenzel: how does that work????

Better: He’s dating all of them at once but they think theyre the only women...feat. the usage of the same date for different women 

Better: like he just schedules dates at different times and days and goes wild

HarleyQueenzel: THATS A THING? YIKES

Better: im in another squad dedicated to warning each other about this shit its SUCH a thing

HarleyQueenzel: wow that is….literally terrible

Better: Fetish City is a terrible place

* * *

 

**headshot sent a DM to CrnelFlag**

headshot: okay we’re gonna clear this up rn

headshot: i am Not A Fan of PDA

headshot: like, i appreciate the thought, but like…

CrnelFlag: I mean, that’s only mildly disappointing, it’s fine

headshot: yeah like i kno ur a touchy feely dude

CrnelFlag: only at people I like haha

CrnelFlag: And I like you <3

headshot: oh my gooooood

headshot: u r UNREAL

headshot: its iconic tho dont change babe….

CrnelFlag: I’ll be sure to keep that in mind

CrnelFlag: Stop texting me though!!! Pay attention in class!!

headshot: ……….unreal

headshot: to be called out by someone i trust

headshot: ur off the seasonal card list

CrnelFlag: Oh no. It’s not like we….see each other regularly or anything.

headshot: dont disregard my threats...they r real and u should be afraid

CrnelFlag: What will I possibly do without you sarcastically insulting me on paper…..

CrnelFlag: Not like we can..text or call each other or anything….

headshot: U N R E A L

CrnelFlag: Floydddd. Pay attention in class lmao

headshot: ughhhhhhh

* * *

 

**hot-aussie sent a message at 1:54 PM**

hot-aussie: now that we have a chat name that isnt about me

Hot Mess: its about you

hot-aussie: ….isnt DIRECTLY about me

hot-aussie: im changing my username in memory of dugger

hot-aussie: who i have decided my evil clone

Better: i detest the idea that u arent the evil version

Hot Mess: im glad that u decided to stop infringing on my brand

hot-aussie: i had my username b4 u had urs…..ur breaking my fair use contract...

Better: why do we talk about brands in this chat so much

Better: has capitalism made fools of us all

hot-aussie: yeah u might wanna live ur life throwing rocks at the pentagon

hot-aussie: but some of us are embracing the governmental standardized movement

Hot Mess: digger, minus the part where u sold out, that was the most intelligent thing youve ever said

hot-aussie: thx lmao but i was just kidding the government can pry anti-capitalism out of my cold dead hands

hot-aussie: catch me faking my death, living in the woods with a bigfoot costume, and never paying taxes for the rest of my life

Hot Mess: what about jail

hot-aussie: i can rob banks as bigfoot whos gonna fucking stop me

Better: new cryptid;; Dugger

**hot-aussie changed their username to Dugger**

Better: the prophecy has been fulfilled

Hot Mess: i mean, every photo i have of u is blurry anyway

Hot Mess: ,bc ur usually running around and screaming,

Hot Mess: so this cryptid thing could work out

Better: i mean dugger im gonna be honest u already remind me of a cryptid

Dugger: how so

Better: ur beard is so scrappy in this rly unique way its like a crop circle on ur face

Hot Mess: i love it tbh bro

Better: also once you looked me directly in the eyes, said “I want to die”, and poured an entire can of monster into your coffee

Better: which was from some sort of indie coffee shop

Hot Mess: if digger supports the Big Brands he dies

Dugger: i was rly tired and i didnt do any homework so i needed that boost

Dugger: and it WORKED my heart was racing for hours

Dugger: also it was the 85C Bakery Cafe. where the coffee was from

Better: ….what

Dugger: its a taiwanese place and they literally only have 5 places in australia and one of those is near my old home

Dugger: they have some more places in america and one of them is near here and like…...of course im hitting that up

Hot Mess: ur iconic digger

Dugger: they have rly good bread

Better: lmao

* * *

 

**crocs sent a message at 3:36 PM**

crocs: okay….i promised Backstory™ and im here to deliver

HarleyQueenzel: i love and support you!!! Thank you preemptively for sharing with us!!!

HarleyQueenzel: oh i texted harvey btw and he said he totally knew u??? Which is so weird that he never introduced us how did u meet him

crocs: we were a part of the club entitled “Trans dudes with visible skin problems”

crocs: we were the only 2 ppl in that club

HarleyQueenzel: he never told me how he got that burn…

crocs: it wasnt anything cool bc he never told me

crocs: tho knowing him he probably got it righting some injustice and saving a baby or smtn lmao

HarleyQueenzel: ANYWAY

crocs: anyway

Hot Mess: anyway!

crocs: hi chato

Hot Mess: bro…….i 2 love and support u

crocs: wow the pressure is on

crocs: okay so. You guys already know about the crocodile thing.

crocs: but uh….what u dont know it my dad literally gave me to my aunt BC of the crocodile thing. 

crocs: Like….pretty sure it wasnt legal bc i had to call her “mom” in public. Like there were some falsified documents there

crocs: so my aunt was all “hey maybe if we literally scale you every day we can get rid of this pesky skin disease”.

crocs: but that!!! Doesnt work!!!!! Of COURSE literally ANY fucking doctor could have told her that

crocs: And like…..one day she’s all “fuck this” and literally tries to sell me to the circus

Hot Mess: NO WAY

crocs: this is about the point where child services is all “hey maybe u should calm down buddy”

crocs: and i get foster parents...they were pretty cool. But like bc they were foster parents they were really wary about letting me transition and stuff bc like “....oh idk if ur adoptive parents are gonna be cool with that” which sucked.

crocs: anyway i had to transfer from arkham to here when i got adopted. And they actually let me transition which was Rad As Hell (even if it did fuck up my skin to scale ratio)

crocs: and tbh im rly glad i moved here bc victor zsasz started a rumor that i was a cannibal

crocs: and on the outside i was like “yeah, thats right, watch ur step” but on the inside i was...dying

HarleyQueenzel: …..i cant believe i never met u like...i remember that rumor too bc i had no idea who it was about

HarleyQueenzel: but like???? Ill fight zsasz right now i dont give a shit. I will

Hot Mess: *deep inhale* I LOVE DROPPING HINTS THAT I LOVE AND RESPECT U AND U DESERVE MORE THEN THE NEGATIVE SITUATIONS YOUVE BEEN IN

Hot Mess: I’M LOVE AND RESPECT U AND U DESERVE MORE THEN THE NEGATIVE SITUATIONS YOUVE BEEN IN

crocs: thx lmao im love and respect u guys 2

HarleyQueenzel: who were u friends with??? Besides harvey

crocs: uh kirk langstorm. Jerv and arnold were pretty cool too they were my card shark bros. Secret poker club for lyfe

HarleyQueenzel: i think ivy is friends with kirk bc they both hate humanity or smtn

crocs: kirk rly liked bats so i believe it

crocs: i cant wait to meet ivy tbh she sounds rad

HarleyQueenzel: she is!!! And u are too!!! I have a lot of feelings!!!

crocs: <3

Hot Mess: <3

HarleyQueenzel: <3<3<3

crocs: yeah show me up why dont u

HarleyQueenzel: tbh arkham was the most public of all public schools it was so wild there

crocs: yeah like...every week there was a fight.

crocs: remember when eddie hacked the school provided computers and set his face as the lockscreen on all of them

HarleyQueenzel: lmaooo eddie was a gem!!!

HarleyQueenzel: remember when bruce went to arkham for a literal week and he took notes on everyone

crocs: THAT WAS SO WEIRD

crocs: remember when drury and garf teamed up to form the “bug alliance” and released all those flies in the lunchroom

HarleyQueenzel: holy shit yes

HarleyQueenzel: im glad even if we didnt meet then the weird things that happened at arkham can draw us together now

Hot Mess: im so lost arkham sounds like a complete madhouse

HarleyQueenzel: it was rly interesting!!!

crocs: that is so harley of u

HarleyQueenzel: the best me i can be….is myself

crocs: inspirational…..

* * *

 

**Dugger sent a DM to Better**

Dugger: hey so like i read ur messages from earlier

Dugger: and like…….i feel just the tiniest bit shitty for hitting on u rly aggressively earlier

Dugger: i dont feel too bad bc everything i do is a gift to this earth

Dugger: but like...i realize now that you get a lot of annoying harassment and i unknowingly contributed to that without considering how you would feel

Better: yknow ur pretty okay when u arent being a complete jackass

Better: i accept ur apology but if u hit on me again im breaking ur nose for real

Dugger: thats fair

Better: congrats. Youve been bumped from “annoying acquaintance” to “good acquaintance”

Better: but just so we’re clear i still think ur kinda obnoxious

Dugger: honestly??? That is so okay with me


	9. when will Digger STOP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy fuck yo im rly sorry. this has been way busier of a year for me than i initially anticipated, and next year is gonna be worse since im doing film and starting the IB program. Regardless, it’s entirely on me and i really am sorry!
> 
> Kinda shorter chapter than i normally do bc im trying to get back into the swing of things! Forgot my original plot draft for this one lol 
> 
> Also i just finished editing the structure of the old chapters. I added some more dialogue for flavor, nothing important but just some more jokes lol

**Dugger sent a message at 11:11 PM**

Dugger: dear secret wish fairy of 11:11 

crocs: big mood all hail

Dugger: pls dont let the barry thing come back to haunt me

Hot Mess: bitch everything youve ever done haunts you

Hot Mess: why the sudden concern for this shit

Dugger: well

crocs: SHUT TF UP I KNOW THIS DRAMA   


Hot Mess: i value both ur voices

Dugger: croc types faster

crocs: NICE

crocs: so yknow how fuckign everyone at this school who isnt us is friends with Bruce Wayne, dicklord supreme 

Hot Mess: thats false a lot of ppl dont like him at all

Hot Mess: didnt clark fight him

crocs: that was for show they are actually BFFs and im pretty sure theyve banged

Dugger: @ chato stfu listen to my tale of woe

Hot Mess: ……

crocs: well. Clark and barry and diana and Hal?

Dugger: not Hal. they arent friends hal is just dedicated to *trying* to be friends.

Hot Mess: that is So Him

crocs: okay well barry is friends with bruce at least 

crocs: AND you know that bruce is (1) dedicated AF to solving problems that arent problems and certainly arent HIS problems

crocs: and (2) already hates digger bc digger has threatened bruce b4

Hot Mess: i think i see where this is headed

Dugger: im worried bruce wayne is gonna kill me

Dugger: give my regards to hollywood, especially anne hathaway

Hot Mess: why are you the way that you are

Dugger: I DIDNT DO ANYTHING THIS TIME

Dugger: its fucking barrys fault. I hate his entire presence on this earth

crocs: maybe ur in love with him

Hot Mess: what if its love, digger??? 

Dugger: oh fuck off….arent i the resident str8 or smtn. Dont defame my title

crocs: digger is the one tru ally

Hot Mess: afjkbgewuyfw 

Dugger: anyway what do about bruce

crocs: we can ask barry to stop, directly

Dugger: and see the smug look on his stupid face?? No chance in hell

Hot Mess: hide u in a locker or duffel bag?

Dugger: THATS BULLYING   
  
crocs: piss off someone worse then bruce so they team up and kill u together

Hot Mess: lmaooo

Dugger: why do you hate me

crocs: nah fam 

Dugger: should i skip??

Hot Mess: that just makes it easier for him to find you

Hot Mess: also theres like only been a month since school started and youve been absent 8 times

crocs: you should infiltrate HIS school before he does it to you

Dugger: YES

Hot Mess: dont do that digger

crocs: maybe you could get a fake gf who bruce is afraid of 

Dugger: Y E S

Dugger: who is he afraid of

crocs: Diana...Selina

Hot Mess: digger im gonna save u right now diana is so far out of ur league

Hot Mess: and selina doesnt go here

Dugger: damn

Hot Mess: ur overeacting bruce isnt gonna do shit lol

crocs: u dont know that

Hot Mess: stop encouraging him waylon

crocs: i am simply concerned for our good friend digger, whomst i love

Dugger: :’)

Hot Mess: smh

* * *

**headshot sent a message at 1:03 PM**

headshot: yall guess who i just saw at our school 

Dugger: BRUCE?

headshot: mmhmm

Dugger: im going to die today, oh my god

CrnelFlag: didn’t you want to fight him literally last year 

Dugger: IM ALL BRAVADO BRO

Dugger: i know i can beat up barry bc he fucking sucks and i hate him

Dugger: but i am NOT so foolhardy to think i can kick BRUCE WAYNES RICH ASS

headshot: eat the 1%. U can do it

Dugger: im gonna….die

CrnelFlag: digger. Bruce isnt going to kill you. 

Dugger: why else would he be here????

headshot: theres a school district wide model UN meeting @ our school today right

headshot: its prob that

Dugger: why would he come b4 school ends???? 

headshot: do u honestly believe u are important enough for bruce to cut school to fight

Dugger: yes?

CrnelFlag: oh my god

headshot: ask harley to ask lois or smtn lol she prob knows

CrnelFlag: Don’t encourage Digger he doesn’t know when we’re joking

Dugger: good idea bro

* * *

 

**Dugger sent a DM to HarleyQueenzel**

Dugger: hey harls would u mind asking lois about why bruce is here

HarleyQueenzel: boi!!!! I kno u project ur importance a lot but i dont NEED to ask lois to kno it is not about u!!!!

Dugger: smh why not

HarleyQueenzel: ummm my old bff Selina used to date him???? She would spill dirt 24/7

HarleyQueenzel: trust me he gives WAYYY 2 much of a shit about the arkham high problems to branch out into another area

HarleyQueenzel: also he doesnt like barry enough to do anything like beating u up!!!!!!

Dugger: why is he here then???

HarleyQueenzel: probably model un like floyd said in the group!!!

Dugger: …..that could just be a cover story

HarleyQueenzel: :(((( boi omg

Dugger: brb i gotta do smtn

HarleyQueenzel: oh no

* * *

 

**Dugger sent a message at 2:00 PM**

Dugger: UM WTF

Dugger: UMMMM 

Better: do u want us to ask u whats wrong

Dugger: (yes)

Better: (too bad)

crocs: digger, whats wrong?

Better: (damn it)

crocs: ; )

Dugger: i just went to go confront bruce wayne

Dugger: and i was all like, “hey, i know ur probably here to fight me, but i dont think you wanna do that”

Dugger: “because i would destroy you”

Better: off to a bad start

Dugger: and he LOOKED AT ME and said “no, i dont want to fight you, because I have no idea who you are”

Dugger: CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT???? HE DIDNT KNOW WHO I WAS

crocs: how could anyone forget you, digger

Better: can’t be done. I’ve tried.

Dugger: and i was like “wtf r u here for then” and he said MODEL UN

Better: we literally all told you that 

Dugger: YOU WERE MAKING FUN OF ME THO

crocs: if we werent before we def are now

Better: oh, dugger. Why are you this way

Dugger: fuck off ims o mad

crocs: awww poor baby

Dugger: smh 

Better: didnt u not want to fight him tho

Dugger: i couldve taken him

crocs: theres the digger we all know and tolerate :’)

Dugger: smh leave me alone im gonna go wallow in self pity

crocs: lmaooo

* * *

 

**HarleyQueenzel sent a message at 4:12 PM**

HarleyQueenzel: i think we learned a valuable lesson today

crocs: dont joke with digger bc he’ll take it srsly

headshot: bruce wayne is hot

Dugger: i didnt learn shit fuck all yall

HarleyQueenzel: oh my lesson was actually that u shouldnt try to bribe ms waller bc she wont take it 

headshot: is that what u were doing today lmao

HarleyQueenzel: yeah i wanted her to write a college recommendation bc she has a lot of influence and i tried to give her 50 bucks bc she doesnt like me

crocs: whatd she do

HarleyQueenzel: maintained eye contact with me and ripped it in half

Dugger: i couldve told u that

Dugger: ive tried to bribe her so many times….and it never works

crocs: chances are if ur trying to do anything at this school that results in less work

crocs: digger has tried it

Dugger: this is true

Dugger: use my wisdom to ur own advantage...its what i wouldve done

crocs: he embarrassed himself….so that we could live….

headshot: smh the boy carries boomerangs with him im not asking for his advice on anything

Dugger: one day my boomerangs will save ur life

headshot: right, when bruce decides to actually fight u

Dugger: exactly

HarleyQueenzel: never change, digger

headshot: i would argue the opposite


	10. film is truly the finest art

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not going to film school im taking a 2 year IB film course that my high school provides lol but thanks for everyone who encouraged me <3
> 
> In dc news, have yall heard about the White Knight series?? I’m so sad bc it sounds really good but there are other rogues who would fit the bill much better. Like, when you have to strip Joker of his personality to fit him in a story, is it really worth it??
> 
> I’m still trying to find the plot in the story again so this is kinda another filler oops!! Tho i am working on a side project involving the chapters i’ve already done, so keep an eye out! It’s gonna be missing scenes (NOT in chat format) from previous chapters (ex; croc and harley going to hot topic as referenced in chapter 5). If you have any requests feel free to comment them!

**crocs sent a message at 5:50 AM**

crocs: guys i have the worst news

crocs: devastating

crocs: just the worst

Hot Mess: what is it bro

crocs: i thought they were jsut taking friends off netflix but theyre ALSO taking off the office

crocs: and i havent finished EITHER of them

Dugger: NOOOOO

crocs: IKR IM SO SALTY

CrnelFlag: Consider; the library

Dugger: umm do u kno how many fucking weird looks u get when u check out all 10 seasons of friends at the same time???

Hot Mess: i have so many questions omg

Dugger: ask away mon ami

crocs: u arent french

Dugger: ask away mate

CrnelFlag: have you considered self check out?

Dugger: no. i dont trust the machines.

Hot Mess: why all 10 seasons at the same time

Dugger: its best enjoyed in one sitting

crocs: which one of us is ross 

Dugger: me

crocs: nice self awareness

Dugger: im just out here living my life

Hot Mess: hmm idk i dont think ur ross homie

Hot Mess: bc ross managed to get dates

Dugger: whos ross then wiseass???

CrnelFlag: None of us are Ross, because he isn’t real

crocs: there is Always a Ross

CrnelFlag: I never finished Friends either tbh

CrnelFlag: I *did* finish The Office though

crocs: does my boy oscar get a man...he deserves one

CrnelFlag: Spoilers!

crocs: smh

crocs: whatev yall kno me i’ll just binge it

Hot Mess: i never watched it. I finished the pilot and it was so boring

crocs: DAMN NO WAY U GOTTA GET TO EP 3

crocs: now i have to finish AND watch it w/you before they take it away!!

Hot Mess: lmao

Dugger: in that show i’m creed 

Hot Mess: whomst???

crocs: yeah

CrnelFlag: ...yeah

* * *

 

**HarleyQueenzel sent a message at 9:03 AM**

HarleyQueenzel: OMG we should have a netflix party!!!!

HarleyQueenzel: a last hurrah to the fabled iconic shows :’)

HarleyQueenzel: PLUS i’ll finally get to drag characters with ppl who care!!!!

crocs: YES

Dugger: NO

crocs: wait wtf??

HarleyQueenzel: this sounds exactly like ur thing tho digger??

Dugger: do u kno how long it would take to watch every episode of friends??? 

Dugger: Bc i do. I’ve spent many a summer doing so.

Dugger: it takes 121 hours. Thats 5 DAYS

crocs: okay what if we only do the office

Dugger: it takes 96.5 hours to get thru the office (4 days)

Dugger: AND that doesnt factor in netflix loading times or frustration regarding low quality graphics

crocs: why do u apply yourself so much on things that dont matter

HarleyQueenzel: maybe we could only watch a couple seasons???

Dugger: HA

Better: have any of u gone outside, like ever?

crocs: we cant all have friends outside this groupchat tatsu

Better: its so fucking easy when u dont isolate urself

crocs: newsflash! I’ve been isolating myself the entire goddamn time!

Dugger: its all we know 

HarleyQueenzel: hmmm idk im friends with ppl from my old school….

HarleyQueenzel: ppl here…..

HarleyQueenzel: my gf whomst i love….

crocs: SMH

crocs: u HAVE to be social u wanna work in psychology and thus feel responsible to analyze everything

HarleyQueenzel: gotta get into the ivy league somehow ;)

Better: is. Is that a pun on ur gf and ur good grades..

HarleyQueenzel: ;))))

Dugger: i love that. Thank u for this harley

Better: i cant handle this disrespect

Better: i feel like the popular girl in disney channel original films

Better: who has to teach the nerds to not be nerdy and change their dorkiness into a quirk or smtn

Dugger: how long have u been pondering that???

Better: god….forever

crocs: WE SHOULD WATCH DISNEY CHANNEL ORIGINAL MOVIES

HarleyQueenzel: YES

crocs: i own a shit ton

HarleyQueenzel: DM ME LETS PLAN!!!!!

Dugger: tatsu what have u done

Better: damn it

* * *

 

**headshot sent a message at 1:46 PM**

headshot: im gonna shut down this preteen movie festival before it happens

headshot: nope. nope. No way in hell

HarleyQueenzel: awww :( too bad that we dont listen to ur shitty opinion!!!! ;)

headshot: okay then i cant make it. Sorry i’m rly busy.

HarleyQueenzel: i havent said when it is yet lol

headshot: im extremely busy AND transparent in my actions

HarleyQueenzel: SMH!!!!!!

HarleyQueenzel: if rick was going you’d go too right????

headshot: harley i srsly dont think he wants to come to this. 

headshot: I dont think anyone wants to come to this

HarleyQueenzel: W O W

headshot: these are childrens movies. For childen. Are you inviting children?

HarleyQueenzel: umm tf????? My PERFECT gf whomst i love and adore is coming???

HarleyQueenzel: and you INSULT her in this way???? I cannot fucking handle this

HarleyQueenzel: the DISRESPECT?????????????

headshot: oh i wanna meet her i’ll be there

HarleyQueenzel: will u partake in actual enjoyment of the films??

headshot: ironically 

HarleyQueenzel: close enough i guess

headshot: can we watch like. Anything fuckign else

headshot: i would honest to god sit there and watch murder she wrote instead of this

HarleyQueenzel: N O

* * *

 

**Hot Mess sent a message at 2:10 PM**

Hot Mess: wait is this tmmrw bros???

Hot Mess: bc the ratio of homework that i have done to have not done is 0:1

crocs: is that how ratios work

Hot Mess: idfk

crocs: do ur hw there

Hot Mess: you want me to resist the thrall of zac efron’s voice

crocs: who says we’re watching HSM

Hot Mess: if u arent i definitely will not be there

crocs: okay u called my bluff

crocs: but zefron doesn’t even sing in HSM 1??

Hot Mess: SMH FUCK OFF

Hot Mess: DONT EXPOSE HIM LIKE THSI

Hot Mess: WOW I….REALLY????

crocs: omg u took that hard. How did u not know

crocs: he sings in 2 and 3 but not in 1 there’s another voice for the music

Hot Mess: i hate this

Hot Mess: whatev i still stan zefron

crocs: why   


Hot Mess: he seems lonely

crocs: i dont think zefron is lonely

Hot Mess: u cant prove anything

crocs: do u just have a crush on him or smtn

Hot Mess: i cant explain it

Hot Mess: i dont find him remotely attractive but i want to support him??

crocs: ….bro

Hot Mess: shut up

* * *

**Dugger sent a message at 4:30 PM**

Dugger: i will now provide a list of reality shows that we could watch instead of disney “films”

Dugger: bachelor/bachelorette

Dugger: real housewives of orange county (NOT any of the other ones)

Dugger: finding bigfoot

Dugger: okay its now occurring to me i dont watch many reality shows

Dugger: documentaries we could watch instead

Dugger: the blair witch project

headshot: thats. Thats not 

headshot: thats not real dugger

Dugger: its found footage???

headshot: ….no

Better: dugger its a horror movie it isnt real

Dugger: those kids DIED and ur gonna disrespect them???

headshot: when have u ever respected anyone, ever

Dugger: i respect cryptids

Duger: oh thats a good idea. We should go cryptid hunting.

Better: we cant let him keep thinking those kids died.

headshot: he’s not gonna listen

Better: @ dugger

Better: google.com

Dugger: no im...pretty sure its real???

Better: is he messing with us???

headshot: its best not to ask

* * *

**HarleyQueenzel sent a message at 5:00 PM**   
  
HarleyQueenzel: IVY CANT COME SHES BUSY :(((((

headshot: then whats the damn point?

HarleyQueenzel: ITLL STILL BE FUN SMH

CrnelFlag: How about, instead of arguing, we move the date

CrnelFlag: or, yknow, only go if you actually want to go

HarleyQueenzel: this is a SQUAD ACTIVITY and EVERYONE must be present

CrnelFlag: ….

headshot: whymst the fuck tho

CrnelFlag: ‘whymst’???

headshot: shut up

crocs: i say we move it. I wanna invite my bois from arkham

HarleyQueenzel: ooh yeah we could get selina!!!!!

crocs: as the co-captain of this event

crocs: i hereby reschedule it the NEAREST HOLIDAY BREAK

HarleyQueenzel: as the other co-captain i VALIDATE this!!!!!!

headshot: what if we have things

headshot: what if we’re out of town

CrnelFlag: They’ll just move it again. You know that.

headshot: i was hoping they wouldnt

crocs: open ur heart for once in ur life

**Author's Note:**

> it is my personal goal to drown out all the joker/harley fics on this site with gay aus so have this

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [4am Texts, Beer and Glasses](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9985229) by [brucewaysne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brucewaysne/pseuds/brucewaysne)




End file.
